Success and Freedom

Why Women Struggle With Confidence More Than Men (part 2)

Despite being more confident in herself now and successful in her career, Saltz says the confidence gap was something she noticed often in the beginning of her career. “I would say I was very aware of the discrepancy in numbers, the discrepancy in salaries, the discrepancy in opportunities, the question of how to handle that, and the impact on one’s confidence, which was substantial.”

Saltz believes that although we have made progress in equal rights for men and women, we haven’t made quite as much progress as we think we have, which poses an even greater danger for women. “It appears like a 50-50 world, but the reality is that there are still these perceptions that can undermine women’s confidence,” Saltz says. “Chief among them is that women don’t get equal pay for equal jobs. That boggles my mind—that we’re still in that place. What’s harder now about being a young woman growing up is that there’s some sort of perception that it really is the same, so it might be even more confusing. It still isn’t [the same]. There are still far fewer CEOs who are women.”

Shipman says one of the most surprising discoveries she came across in her research was that young women today still lack confidence despite progress that has been made in equal rights for women over the past few decades. She says a solution for this might require taking the emphasis away from teaching young girls to be perfect academically and instead teaching them about the benefits of failure and risk-taking.

After assessing all of their research, Kay and Shipman attempted to figure out the ideal level of confidence people should strive for. They reached the conclusion that “a slight tilt toward overconfidence is ideal given our society and the way we work in the world and the nature of the human endeavor,” Shipman says. “That gives you a slight bias toward action as opposed to inaction. You’re going to make things happen.”

The good news? It’s possible to increase your confidence. The easiest way is to get out of your head and make a move.

“If you are somebody who overthinks, ruminates and assesses, try to focus on that because the more you’re spending time doing that, the less likely you are to take action,” Shipman says. “A certain amount of thinking and examining is obviously smart, but once it reaches a certain point, you’re less likely to act. You’re going to end up with too much information, and it’s going to be too overwhelming.”

Maksimow first launched her private practice in 2014. She rented an office one afternoon a week and had just a handful of regular clients. Now she holds around 15-18 sessions each week, has her own office, and published a book titled Lose That Mommy Guilt.

She also gives others the advice that worked for her. “If you’re beating yourself up in your own head for not getting things exactly perfect, it’s not helping you get better,” she says. “You’re just pushing yourself down. And that negative self-talk continues to grow and grow and grow.”

You can begin combating that today, she says. Start by being compassionate with yourself.

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