Tuesday, February 28, 2017


What The Middle Class Doesn't Understand About Rich People

by Steve Siebold 



Few people in the middle class really understand the mindset of the richest people.

After all, if they did, they would be among the top earners as well. We’ve all heard the remarks: Rich people are lucky, rich people had an unfair advantage, rich people are crooks, rich people are selfish, etc. These are mostly empty statements with little proof to back them up.

Yes, the rich think and act differently from everyone else, and the differences are as extreme as they are numerous.

Here are five things you probably didn’t know about the wealthy.

1. The wealthy are comfortable being uncomfortable.
Most people just want to be comfortable. Physical, psychological, and emotional comfort is the primary goal of the middle-class mindset.

The wealthy, on the other hand, learn early on that becoming a millionaire isn’t easy, and the need for comfort can be devastating. They learn to be comfortable while operating in a state of ongoing uncertainty. The great ones know there’s a price to pay for getting rich, but if they have the mental toughness to endure temporary pain, they can reap the harvest of abundant wealth.

It’s not comfortable for a millionaire in the making to forge ahead when everyone around her is negative, cynical, and unsupportive, yet those who can push forward are rewarded with riches for the rest of their lives. Make a list of the five things you must do today that are uncomfortable but will help you build your financial fortune.


2. The wealthy dream about the future.


Most of us grew up listening to stories of the good old days, when the world was a kinder, gentler place. The music was better, athletes were tougher, and business people were honest. This tradition of the masses is handed down from generation to generation while its purveyors have no idea how insidious and destructive it is. People who believe their best days are behind them rarely get rich, and they often struggle with happiness and depression.

The wealthy are future-oriented and optimistic about what lies ahead. They appreciate and learn from the past while living in the present and dreaming of the future. Self-made millionaires get rich because they’re willing to bet on themselves and project their dreams, goals, and ideas into an unknown future. Much of their planning time is spent clarifying goals that won’t be realized for years, yet they patiently and painstakingly plan and dream of what their future will look and feel like. the making to forge ahead when everyone around her is negative, cynical, and unsupportive, yet those who can push forward are rewarded with riches for the rest of their lives. Make a list of the five things you must do today that are uncomfortable but will help you build your financial fortune.

3. The wealthy are more confident.

The negative projections and derogatory labels placed on the rich are endless. One of the most common is that the rich are cocky, arrogant people who think they’re better than everyone else.

The truth is successful people are confident because they repeatedly bet on themselves and are rarely disappointed. Even when they fail, they’re confident in their ability to learn from the loss and come back stronger and richer than ever. This is not arrogance, but self-assuredness in its finest form.

The wealthy have an elevated and fearless consciousness that keeps them moving toward what they want, as opposed to moving away from what they don’t want. This often doubles or triples their net worth quickly because of the new efficiency in their thinking. Eventually they begin to believe they can accomplish anything, and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. As they move from success to success, they create a psychological tidal wave of momentum that gets stronger every day, catapulting their confidence to a level so high it is often interpreted as arrogance.



4. The wealthy believe money is about freedom.

Among the many money issues misperceived by the general public is the notion that acquiring great wealth is more about showing off than creating choices. While money certainly brings status, it’s acquired mostly for the purpose of attaining personal liberty.

It’s impossible to be truly free without wealth. The middle class is controlled by employment, government, and other entities with superior resources that dictate what they can and can’t do. It’s tough to make a moral stand for freedom when you’re worried about making your next mortgage payment.

Rich people can afford to stand up and fight oppression. They can afford to buy their way out of unhealthy work environments, bad bosses, and other unpleasant situations. They have the means to enlist the best doctors when they get sick, and they are able to make themselves as comfortable as possible when they can’t get well. When they want to raise money for business, politics, or charity, a few phone calls to their rich friends is all it takes. If they need more money, they throw a party or host an auction and charge $1,000 a ticket. The examples of how much money buys freedom are endless.

Start thinking about the freedoms you’ll gain when you are wealthy!

5. The wealthy carefully monitor their associations.

People with high-level formal education like to associate with the academic elite. Physically fit people enjoy spending time with others who are fit. Religious people like to have fellowship with people of faith. And rich people like to associate with others who are rich.

Like attracts like, yet the wealthy are often criticized for having a closed inner circle that is almost impossible to break into unless you are rich. Successful people generally agree that consciousness is contagious, and that exposure to people who are more successful has the potential to expand your thinking and catapult your income. We become like the people we associate with, and that’s why winners are attracted to winners.

In other segments of society this is accepted, but the rich have always been lambasted for their predisposition to engage the company of people with similar financial success. Millionaires think differently from the middle class about money, and there’s much to be gained by being in their presence.

Set a goal to double the amount of time you spend with people who are richer than you. Who knows, it might just make you rich.

Steve Siebold is the author of "How Rich People Think" and a self-made multi-millionaire who has interviewed 1,200 of the world's wealthiest people during the past 30 years.



What's Your Biggest Regret? (Nobody Wants To Admit The Worst One Of All)

Ending the pursuit of perfection | Iskra Lawrence | TEDxUniversityofNevada


4 Words That Will Ruin A Relationship


Even the most successful couples can fail at communication when emotions run high. In the heat of battle, words can be spoken before brains are put into gear. Hurt, resentment, or anger can make the best of us lash out.

As the saying goes: “When emotion goes up… intelligence goes down.”

When your partner says something that you feel is unjustified or unfair, it’s super easy to react and spit out something you don’t really mean. Understanding the cause of this reactive behaviour will help you to stop doing it and to understand and deal with it better when it’s thrown at you.

Words are powerful — more powerful than most people realize. They create our reality (and that of others around us), and choosing them carefully will be your greatest friend. When someone throws out a thoughtless comment, the receiving person can easily feel attacked or misunderstood. They feel like they’ve been judged and tried without a jury, and they go into a defensive reaction. They feel the need to state their case and argue down the opposite view. They perceive a strong threat and come out of the corner fighting.

Avoiding or replacing some words can largely avoid a breakdown in communication and a defensive response. Try listening for these in your next heated debate — you’ll be surprised just how often both you and your partner are using them:

1. “Should”

When you say “you should” or “shouldn’t,” what is coming across to the other person is that you think you are superior, an authority, and that you know better than they do. It changes the dynamic from two equal people discussing to a dominant and a submissive relationship.

Try instead: “I would really like it if you could…”

2. “You”

The second you start talking about what you are feeling in sentences that start with “You,” you’re probably going to be in trouble. You might say “You never listen to me!” only wishing to impart that you feel unheard, but what the other person hears is “It’s all your fault!”

“You” comes with an imaginary jabbing finger. It’s accusatory, and if the receiving person is already feeling vulnerable, defensive, or emotional, whatever you say after “you” will be interpreted as an accusation.

Instead, try: “I feel like…” or “When this happens, I feel…”

3. “Must”

Similar to “should,” “must” sets the speaker up as the expert, the more knowledgeable party. It tells the receiving person that you know better and that they should be doing what you say. At some level, the person you are saying this to will feel that you don’t respect their opinion or their logic or their ability to think for themselves.

Try: “I’d love you to…” or “It would really help me if you could…”

4. “Expect”

As someone once said “Peace begins where expectation ends.” Everyone has a “blueprint” in their head, an idea or a mould of how things should be and how other people should behave.

Come to grips with the concept that other people don’t have to follow your rules and that they may not have the same expectations as you do.

When you use phrases like “I would have expected that you would…”, it’s accusatory. It somehow says that the other person has failed and that is exactly how they will feel. They’ll feel judged and rejected and will more than likely react negatively.

So choose your words carefully and don’t give your partner any reason to feel defensive. Talk in terms of yourself, how you feel, rather than what the other person has or hasn’t done or said.

If you can, take a little time to cool down before you begin to talk together so that you’re calm and ready to listen, and answer slowly — think before you speak!

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3 Ways to Turn Nothing Into Something

By Jim Rohn 


In order to turn nothing into something, you’ve got to start with some ideas and imagination. Ideas that become so powerful in your mind and in your consciousness that they seem real to you even before they become tangible. Imagination that is so strong, you can actually see it.

1. Imagine all of the possibilities.

One of the reasons for seminars, sermons, lyrics from songs and testimonials of others is to give us an idea of the possibilities, to help us imagine and see the potential.

2. You must believe that what you imagine is possible for you.

Others’ testimonials, such as, “If I can do it, you can do it,” “If I can turn it all around, you can turn it all around” or “If I can change, you can change” often become a support to our belief. And we start believing. First we imagine it’s possible. Second we start to believe that what’s possible is possible for us. We might also believe because of our own testimonial. Your testimonial might say, “If I did it once, I can do it again” or “If it happened for me before, it could very well happen again.”

So those two things together are very powerful. Now, we do not have actual substance yet. But it is very close.

3. Go to work to make it real.

You go to work to make it an enterprise. You go to work to make it an association. You go to work to make it a good marriage. You go to work to make it a movement.

You make it tangible. You make it viable. You breathe life into it and then you construct it. That is such a unique and powerful ability for all of us human beings. Put this to work and start the miracle process today!

Monday, February 27, 2017


Food for thought: How your belly controls your brain | Ruairi Robertson ...

How to make diseases disappear | Rangan Chatterjee | TEDxLiverpool

Couples Who Argue Have Better Relationships, According To Science


Guess what? You’re off the hook. You don’t need to sit around wonder if all the arguing means that your relationship is doomed. Science says that, that isn’t the case.

Recently, a survey was done in India among married couples to figure out how much arguing affected their relationship. And it turns out that 44% of responders attribute part of their marital success to how much they argue. They said that fighting more than once a week helps keep the lines of communication open.

And that isn’t all, another study done over 14 years found that couples who argued often and in a peaceful manner were more likely not be separated. This study followed 79 married couples across the US Midwest. According to FamilyShare, the common thread between the strongest couples is that they argued, and immediately talked openly and honestly about the argument.
Arguing for A Healthy Relationship

First, there is a difference between fighting and arguing. Arguing is a healthy way to get emotions out on the table. In fact, the quickest relationship killer is allowing your emotions to stew. Next thing you know, you’re a bomb waiting to explode. It isn’t a matter of if at this point, it’s a matter of when your emotions will get the better of you and you’ll have a relationship altering fight.

Without question, letting your emotions stew will lead to resentment.

And, frankly, arguments are just part of a relationship that isn’t boring. In fact, in this article at the Star Tribune, Sandy Burris, who’s been married almost 60 years, says, “We do [argue all the time]. There are a lot of things we don’t agree on. If we did agree all the time, it would be boring.”

If you’ve been married happily for that long, you must be doing something right. I’m sure you can remember a relationship that just went stale when you’ve been thinking just tell me I did something wrong for once!

As for kids, many family counselors site peaceful arguing as part of a positive model, as William Doherty, a professor in the University of Minnesota’s Department of Family Social Science stated. “If they never see you argue, they’re going to get a very unrealistic image of marriage,” he said, “If it’s hostile, contemptuous, full of shouting and name-calling, that’s bad. But if it’s a small irritation that is addressed respectfully and the kids see that 15 minutes later you’ve gotten over it and everything is fine again, that’s helpful.”

The point is, you can’t play the blame game and expect your kids to grow positively, but you can teach them by example that it’s okay to disagree. It’s easy to show them that you can argue, come to a compromise, and still love each other fully. It seems that arguing is healthy for everyone involved, not just the couple. Arguing isn’t just a magic pill. There are obvious reasons why arguing makes couples stay together longer.

1. There’s No Resentment Between Partners

If you’re constantly holding it it, there will be resentment. The healthiest way to deal with negative feelings is to get them out in the open!
2. Couples Who Argue See Themselves as Equals

In a relationship is so important for partners to be on a level playing field. No one wins if someone is dominant over the other. And that’s what happens when couples don’t argue. Let’s face it, all people feel the need to stand their ground. In a relationship, if you don’t stand your ground and argue, you’re showing your partner that their opinion is more important, and they can have whatever they want. That’s the road to an unhealthy relationship.

3. Couples Who Challenge Each Other, Grow Together

It’s no secret that the quickest way to grow as a person is to overcome challenges. It’s also no secret that good relationships require both partners to push the other to be the best version of themselves. When arguing with a partner, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. You will learn a lot about each other, and more importantly yourself. You’ll learn how to lose better, you will learn how to win with sportsmanship, and you’ll learn how to compromise more. These are all valuable traits in all parts of life.

If you want a healthy relationship, you shouldn’t avoid arguments. However, you shouldn’t go pick a fight with your spouse as soon as you’re done reading this. The bigger point here is that all people argue, and the way you argue is really important.

It’s important that arguments aren’t fights or all out wars. They need to be peaceful. And you should practice listening with the intent of understanding your partner, not so you can find our opportunity to speak. Next time you get in an argument with your partner, remember that you’re strengthening your bond if you’re doing it right.

Featured photo credit: Daily Record via dailyrecord.co.uk

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Be Your Own Biggest Fan

by Glenn Killey


How do you feel about yourself? Nope….tell the truth. Chances are that you are reading this alone and that there is no one to overhear you. Will you say it aloud for me? Are you your own biggest fan?

I walked into work today and the first person I saw was a good friend of mine. She has a lovely smile and a genuine, warm personality. She is a single mom, totally in love with her son, good at her job, and a pleasure to be around. I walked over to her and said good morning and that I thought her hair looked very nice today. I was not making this up or saying it just to make her feel good. I genuinely thought she looked nice and wanted to tell her. Compliments are important. Her response, however, broke my heart. She laughed and told me I was wrong. That her hair did not look good and that she needed to get it colored and cut. Her bias toward herself made it so that she could not even accept my compliment. In fact, it was so ingrained that she had to verbally reject my compliment.

I wish this was an isolated event. Unfortunately, I can give example after example, and it is not isolated to women. My assistant is a man. Well-dressed, quick-witted, caring and compassionate. And yet? Give him a compliment about the suit he is wearing, and his first response is that he cannot fit into any of his other suits and that he must lose weight. Why is his bias toward himself so strong that he cannot take a nice compliment and feel good about it?

We, as a society, are quick to judge, quick to spot the negative and comment on it. We have gotten ugly in the way we speak to each other, the way we write, and especially in our television shows. Why do men want to watch other men in a cage trying to hurt each other? Why do women read magazines that tell them everything is wrong with the way they look, the size they are, and the style they choose? We will have to tackle society together, for the greater good, as a large goal. But what we first have to do is tackle the problem of our own self-esteem.

What do Kim Kardashian and Stephen Hawking have in common?

Why is Kim Kardashian famous? Why do millions follow her every move? She is pretty, but so are you. She is talented, but so are you. The difference is confidence. The world tells her that she is exceptional and she believes it, which gives her confidence, which allows her to do great things. Her self-bias is positive, not negative.

Stephen Hawking has faced severe physical challenges that most of us can never comprehend. So how did he transcend that to become the most famous scientist in our modern day? He did not listen to “You can’t”. He believes in himself. His self-bias is positive, not negative, which allows him to accomplish great things.
The single most important change you need to make is to recognize that these biases are your own.

Sunday, February 26, 2017



If You Want To Accelerate Your Personal Growth Easily, List 10 Things Every Day


No doubt you’ve heard that successful people have a tendency to wake up early. However, it’s not the waking up early that makes them successful – it’s what they do with this quiet time.

Think of it this way: If you’ve gained an extra hour in your day by waking up early, are you going to watch celebrity news on TV, or use the time productively to improve your body, mind and life? One thing you could definitely try, is to stretch your brain first thing in the morning. A good way to do this is to list 10 things every day. Let’s see how this works.

Firstly, get yourself a notepad and pen, and leave them by the side of your bed. Once you wake up in the morning (hopefully early!), then immediately pick up the pad and pen. The next step is to write down the day and date (try not to cheat by looking at your cellphone). Then, and this is the key part, write a list heading. This can be any topic at all, but must be one where writing 10 items causes you to think deeply.

As an example for you, imagine choosing this heading for your list today:
Example: 10 Things To Be Grateful For

Now, what you would need to do is to come up with the 10 things. For starters, you may write something like this:
My family
My health
My job


The first three or so items should be relatively easy to list, but after that, your mind will most likely have to dig deep to come up with further examples. This is what you want to happen. As the idea of writing a list of 10 items every day is so that your mind will become sharper, clearer and more creative. It’s also a great way to wake yourself up in a morning!

You shouldn’t need to spend an hour on this activity, instead, aim for 3-10 minutes a day. So, why not try this idea for a week, and see what the results are? You may find that it’s a challenging, but super-rewarding daily mental exercise.

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Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via pixabay.com

6 Tips for Any Business Woman Traveling Alone


A great number of people get nervous or anxious when it comes to traveling alone, whether for business or just for pleasure. And with the increasing number of single women travelers across the world, being prepared to face and overcome all types of traveling issues is essential, and even more important if it’s your first time doing it.

So here are some useful tips to consider if you want to make your solo traveling experience a more pleasant one.

First things first:

1. Know Where You Are Going

Surf the internet a little bit about your destination; search for things like food, dress code, the weather, and laws of the country you are visiting, as these differ greatly throughout the world. If you are already there and need some directions, instead of asking local people, try asking the hotel staff – they will help you avoid places that are deemed as unsafe.

2. Choose Accommodation Wisely

Search for the location, rooms available, services, menu options, and then the price. You can find some great deals using online services like (my favorite) airbnb.com. One great piece of advice is speaking with the hotel manager before booking if you’re interested in staying — they will offer you a better service, and might even offer some extra deals. Who knows, you may be treated so well on your travels, or fall in love with one of your destinations, that you need to sell your California house fast.
If traveling to a big city:
Avoid taking taxi cabs. They may seem like a cheap and quick option, however, you won’t know if they are taking the correct way or if they are even safe. A far better option is renting a car or booking in advance with legitimate companies online. There are some great private airport transportation services in which you don’t need to shop around because their agents already do it for you.
Know the best city areas and locations. You should avoid visiting insecure neighborhoods or areas. In big cities like Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, etc., there are many unsafe areas, so it’s recommended that you do some online research about them, and be aware when you get to your destination.
Be patient. You’d better be physically and mentally prepared for long lines, large crowds, and many people trying to do or see the same things that you want. Anger and stress just won’t make things get better, so you need to get used to it and enjoy the rest of the trip.
Avoid expending too much money on “fancy stuff.” There are many money-saving tips you can do like planning your everyday meals (where to go, how much to spend, etc.) and maybe try to eat by the season. There are many people who enjoy eating in elegant restaurants and spending lots of money eating while traveling, but if you are not one of those people you better save some money (and calories) having less fancy snacks.

3. Keep Your Wallet Light and Your Documents Safe

If your travel documents get lost, they can cause you a lot of trouble. Try keeping a credit card, this way you won’t carry too much cash in your wallet; also have a backup one with you if the other one gets lost and use it to pay for your expenses.

To keep all things safe and out-of-sight, try getting a money belt; they can be worn under your clothes to keep a passport, credit cards ,or cash. You can search for them online in places like eBay for different colors and styles.

Lastly, leave all return travel tickets, papers, and immigration documents at your hotel’s safety box. They are safer there, you won’t be carrying them around everywhere, and they hold no monetary value (so no reason for anyone to steal them). Also, avoid bringing expensive jewelry when possible, as this will be a magnet for thieves.

4. Pack Light

Seriously? You don’t need all those clothes if you are going on a business trip. To help you travel lighter, try getting a practical garment bag; they are pretty useful when it comes to these kinds of trips. And don’t worry, you can always mix and match the same clothes and accessories to make them look like a completely different outfit.

5. Dress for the Occasion and with Modesty
Try wearing what the local women tend to use and dress accordingly to avoid possible harassment. Remember that safety is always first, and in some places, you need to consider laws and regulations surrounding your attire. After all, the last thing you want to do is offend other people by dressing inappropriately.

You should also consider taking comfortable outfits, and some according to your destination’s weather.

And lastly:

6. Always Trust your Gut

Relax, your gut is very wise and will get you out of many situations. But remember to be careful with strangers; do not trust people too quickly – we all know that sometimes we start trusting people before we should.

Heeding this advice will ensure that you are safe and secure in your travels, but remember to stay in touch with your loved ones and let them know how and where to locate you.

Advice From The Most Successful People On The Planet - Episode 3





Are you willing to do what feels difficult?

Saturday, February 25, 2017

What Makes You Special? | Mariana Atencio | TEDxUniversityofNevada


It’s Not How You Look That Makes You Attractive, But Who You Are Inside


We all have those days when we just don’t feel attractive. And trying to meet society’s expectations of beauty can be even more frustrating – your clothes are from last season, your hair doesn’t look right, you gained 10 pounds over winter. You start thinking, “Is this why I’m still single?” Let me just stop you right there. Resist these overwhelming feelings. Don’t allow social demands to cause you to question your self-worth.

As it turns out, your physical appearance is not what makes you attractive to other people. What matters the most is who you are on the inside.
“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” – Kahlil Gibran

Your physical appearance is not likely to cause attraction between you and the person you’re dating. Contrary to what we are conditioned to believe, your emotional expressions are what other people find attractive. When we’re dating new people, we want to build a relationship with somebody who shares our thoughts and morals. We want to find somebody that we can understand…

A psychology study has backed this up. A professor of Social and Affective Neuroscience at the University of Lubeck in Germany, Silke Anders, conducted an experiment by having volunteers watch videos of women expressing either sadness or fear. The volunteers then rated the videos. The results indicated a positive correlation between how well the volunteers understood the woman’s feelings and how attractive they found her. The findings went beyond the volunteers’ ratings. The area of their brains responsible for the feeling of attraction were also more active when watching the women that they could understand.

Our desire to have a relationship with somebody we can understand is built into our psychology. In fact, the very attraction between two people is dependent on whether or not we share a common language. Being able to understand somebody we are dating means that we can trust them as our partner.
“I found I was more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s definition of beautiful and started being my own.” –Remington Miller

All of this worrying about how attractive we are on the outside can really bring us down, giving us insecurities and even social anxiety. We lose our confidence when we start worrying about how other will see us. And with our confidence goes our happiness.

So what’s the answer? It’s in your communication with the rest of the world. Show them that you don’t care what you think. That’s right, stop caring and stop thinking. Thinking too much before you do something (like going out for the night) only causes you a ton of social anxiety. When you stop thinking, you get rid of that anxiety. If you’re in the dating world and get rejected, don’t think about it. Let it roll right off your shoulders; don’t feel angry and don’t feel hurt. Because you don’t care.

When you stop caring, you’ll be more likely to be proactive in life, both in the professional and personal realm. And you’ll start to realize something with this new attitude. It gives you social confidence. As long as you focus on your life with confidence, people will be attracted to you.

The psychology of attraction says that it doesn’t matter how you look. So stop worrying about getting the right shade of lipstick, going out with a bad hairdo, and putting on the right outfit. None of this makes you attractive. People are attracted to you because of your confidence, your personality, and the way you express yourself. So remember this when you’re going out there into the dating world. You are beautiful on the inside, let that person shine through.

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via pexels.com



Self-Talk Determines Your Success: 15 Tips

By Magdalena Battles


Self-talk is the act of talking to yourself either aloud or mentally. These are the messages that you are telling yourself all day long about yourself. Are your messages to yourself positive and uplifting, or are you constantly beating yourself down? Would you want to be around a friend who constantly says negative and derogatory things about you all day long? Of course not, so don’t do it to yourself.

The messages you tell yourself will encourage and motivate you, or they will limit you because they are negative. For example, if you go to a work party and make a joke in front of 10 colleagues and no one really laughs, just a few chuckles from those being nice, what do you tell yourself after the party? Do you drive home thinking “I should have just kept my mouth shut, now they think I am an idiot,” or do you tell yourself “No big deal, at least I put myself out there and tried.”

Version one of self-talk will make you question yourself at your next social event. You may even hold yourself back from saying too much out of fear of embarrassment or making yourself feel bad. Worse yet, you may develop an aversion to social situations because you make yourself feel insecure about your interactions with others because of your self-talk.

Version two of self-talk allows you to give yourself a pass to try again. To just be human and interact with others because we cannot all be on spot with humor and social interactions 100% of the time, but it is worth the effort to at least try. Self-talk is so important, as these are the messages that determine whether you should keep trying or not. The messages you send yourself can either help you succeed or they can hold you back and keep you paralyzed in fear.

Here are 15 tips to help you provide yourself with good, positive self-talk in everyday life:

1. Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive
Negative thoughts happen. It’s hard to provide yourself with positive thoughts all the time. However, you can start replacing negative thoughts with the positive. There is always a flip side or upside to any situation. It’s up to you to start finding the positive in order to begin changing your negatives into positives. For example, if you sign up for a half-marathon race and make it to mile ten and then get a leg cramp so bad that you are unable to finish, you may mentally call yourself a quitter or consider the situation a failure. You can turn those thoughts around by telling yourself that at least you tried and you made it all the way to mile ten. Remind yourself how you pushed through some tough hills on the course and you stayed committed to all the training that got you to be able to run in the race. Be positive when negative thoughts creep into your mind. Doing so will help you find the motivation to try again in the future. It you concentrate on the negative, you are mentally holding yourself back from trying again.

2. Have a Purpose Higher than Self

Having a strong faith in a higher power is helpful in having positive self-talk. Research shows that teens who had “regular religious service attendance, high subjective importance of faith and years spent in religious youth groups are associated with higher self-esteem and more positive self-attitudes.” Having faith in a higher power, along with involvement in a religious community, helps individuals have higher self-esteem. Self-esteem and self-talk go hand in hand.

3. Cut Overly Negative People out of Your Life

Everyone can have a down day and be negative or moody. However, some people seem to have down days every day of their life. If you have some of these people in your life it, may be time to distance yourself from them. Attitudes of the people you are around will have an effect on your own attitude. If someone has a negative attitude they are likely to bring down those around them, especially if their negativity is pervasive over time and across a variety of situations. It is hard to cut family or co-workers out of your life; however, you can limit your time and exposure to these people. Don’t spend time off work with negative co-workers. Don’t hang with negative co-workers in the break room. Keep the negativity to a minimum in your life by limiting your time with negative people..

4. Be Grateful


A great way to find the positive in your life and create positive self-talk is to recognize the things in your life for which you can be grateful. A study in Psychology Today showed that “young adults assigned to keep gratitude journals showed greater increases in determination, attention, enthusiasm and energy compared to the other groups.” Finding things you are grateful for in life on a daily basis helps to improve your attitude, which will help you have better, more positive self-talk..
5. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

When you are constantly comparing yourself to what others have and what you don’t have, you can easily get down on yourself. It is easy to become negative about your life if you are playing the comparison game. Instead, find gratitude in what you do have, rather than concentrating on what you don’t have. You can always find others who are better off than you or worse off than you. If is more important to concentrate on yourself and on being grateful for your own life and not making any comparisons.

6. Use Positive Words with Others


If we are negative with our words with others, then we are more than likely to be negative in our mind about ourselves as well. Having negative thoughts leads to negative self-talk. If you are in a negativity rut, then stop now. Start speaking life and affirmation to the people in your life that you love, including yourself. Doing so will help improve the attitude in your heart. Positivity breeds positivity, and negativity breeds negativity. Choose the positive for yourself and others.

7. Believe in Your Success

Believe in your ability to succeed. Believe in the abilities and skills that you have, so that you can propel yourself toward success. Doubting yourself holds you back from trying and thus holds you back from succeeding. Believe you can succeed, even if it takes multiple tries.

8. Don’t Fear Failure


Don’t fear failure, as it is often the road to success. Some of the greatest success stories in life are of people who failed multiple times before becoming successful. If they had given up the first time after failing, then they never would have become hugely successful. Fear of failure holds back many people from ever even trying to succeed. They remain in their status quo in life because they live in fear of failure. If Milton Hersey had given up after his first three candy companies failed, he wouldn’t have gone on to create the world-famous Hershey’s candy company. He is just one example of someone who failed many times before finally succeeding: “6 Stories of Super Successes Who Overcame Failure.” Don’t allow fear to hold you back from trying. Tell yourself you can keep trying if you do fail!

9. Post Positive Affirmations

A great way to provide positive self-talk to yourself is to write it down. Have positive mantras, scriptures, and affirmations written and posted for you to view throughout your day. Post them on your refrigerator, your bathroom mirror, next to your computer screen, or wherever you can see them often on a daily basis. Having positive messages around you helps to shape positive self-talk in your mind.

10. Don’t Dwell in the Past


Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone has a past. Everyone has bad things in their past. Don’t concentrate on these failures, mistakes, or negative things that have happened in your life. Keep your mind focused on the future and what is possible. Especially the positive things that are possible. There is a reason why your windshield is so big and your rear-view mirror is so small in your vehicle. What’s ahead is far more important than what is behind you.

11. Visualize Your Success

Your ability to visualize your success is tied to your ability to actually achieve success. This article on visualizing success shows how many highly successful people use visualizing to help them succeed. Visualizing helps you think positively about your situation and encourages you to see that your vision of success is possible.

12. Limit Your Intake of the News and Media

The news and media can be predominantly negative. When you are constantly feeding your mind negative messages it becomes very difficult to find positive self-talk. Limit your exposure to news and media. It’s good to be an informed citizen, but sometimes it is good for your mind and soul to shut off the TV and cut off the negativity that is happening everywhere in the world. Remind yourself there are lots of positive things happening in the world too, but they just aren’t put on the news.

13. Help Others


Helping others is a way to bless others, but it can also be an even bigger blessing to yourself. This article on helping others shows how beneficial this act can be to yourself. You can experience feelings of being more positive, empowered, and optimistic by helping others. These feelings will help you have better self-talk during your day. Try to do one thing each day to help another person, so that you can begin the habit of helping others on a regular basis. You will thank yourself later, as will the people you help.

14. Be Physically Active
This article on research related to exercise and mental health shows that there are a great many benefits to becoming active. The article reviewed a variety of research studies and pointed to the many benefits of exercise including: increased creativity, reduced anxiety, improved self-confidence, reduced stress, increase in happy brain chemicals, and more. All of these factors will help with your ability to provide positive self talk to yourself and eventually succeed in life. Get up, get active, and improve your body and mind together by exercising on a regular basis.

15. Dream and Set Goals

A great way to begin positive self-talk is to dream about the future. What is your desire in life? What do you want out of life? Where do you see yourself in 5, 10, or 15 years? Allow yourself to dream big and then set smaller goals toward reaching those end goals. Encourage yourself toward your life successes by providing supportive messages about how you will achieve these goals. When you reach these small goals you will develop positive thoughts about your abilities and skills related to how you achieved these milestones. This helps with your positive self-talk. Don’t get down on yourself if you do have failures along the way. Allow for flexibility and changing of plans along your route, and you will be a happier person. Tell yourself it’s OK to let go of some dreams and take on new ones as well. Your life is yours. Allow yourself to dream and to go for those dreams. Shoot for the stars; you never know which one you will hit. If not the first one, then try, try again. Respect and appreciate yourself and your ability to keep trying.

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Friday, February 24, 2017

No Sex Marriage – Masturbation, Loneliness, Cheating and Shame | Maureen...



If You Include These 5 Habits In Your Life, You Can Hugely Boost Your Confidence

By Michelle Owens 


The way we view ourselves tells a lot about how much confidence we have. If we are confident in ourselves, the opinion of what others think is not as important to pursuing our personal goals. If we lack confidence, it is easier to let someone else talk us out of pursuing a dream.
While it is true that surrounding ourselves with positive people is a benefit, what really matters is how much we trust in our own abilities to find our own sense of happiness and success. If we do not believe in ourselves, it is unlikely we can achieve our personal best.

1. Build your Confidence

Reaching for uplifting, positive reading and visual material is one way to increase your sense of self-confidence. Ruminating on a positive quote, internalizing a positive message (“I can do anything I put my mind to”) are just two examples of how you can build your own confidence.

Not all of life’s best gifts can be purchased off a shelf. Bringing ourselves to the table where building takes place is important. Sitting still and doing the mental work to change self-doubt into self-confidence is important.

2. Reject the Doubt of Other People

Also known as “haters,” doubters are people who have no faith and little confidence in our ability to succeed. They also secretly wish they had our desires, dreams and abilities to succeed.

Rejecting the doubt of others can be difficult because sometimes these are the people who are closest to us. But, we have to be able to dismiss their negative comments in order to build our own sense of confidence. Without this skill, we are likely to remain stuck.

Here is an idea: don’t share your dreams with them at all.

3. Say No and Mean it

Do you ever hear a request and want to say no but say yes instead? The “why” we say yes is not as important as the fact that we are denying ourselves our own truths. This request represents something we do not want to do. It does not make us an evil witch to say no. In fact, it makes us a confidence protector of our personal resources of time, money and energy.

Saying no is another way to cultivate confidence because we are sending a clear message: “What I want for me at this moment is not to do what you are asking of me.” There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is one way to demonstrate self-care by confidently standing up for our right to protect our own resources of time, money and energy.

4. Dress to Impress Yourself

It has been said that clothes make the person. But the truth is, clothing has both a symbolic meaning and becomes a physical experience. What really matters is what does an article of clothing mean to you and how, if at all, can it increase your self-confidence and display your sense of self-awareness? If sweat pants make you feel like you are in control of your destiny because you are self-employed and work from home, then wear them. But if a suit is more to your liking, then wear that.

Putting the clothes on and expressing ourselves physically to the world is a sign of confidence. So, confidently wear your clothing to symbolize your own sense of confidence.

5. Celebrate Past Victories

Do you have a pile of cards people have sent you over the years? Chances are, those cards say nice things about you. Do you have a few cherished accomplishments you enjoy bringing to the front of your memory? We can groom a higher sense of self-confidence by celebrating our past triumphs. It is one way to honor the strengths we possess.

Feel Alive: How to Get Charged w/ Brendon Burchard


Thursday, February 23, 2017


If You Know These 6 Tricks, Everyone Likes Communicating With You


How many times have you seen this scenario? You’re at a social gathering–say an office party–where people are just barely acquainted with each other. The conversations are a bit strained and are a commingling of “shop” talk, mindless chit-chat and awkward pauses. Your eyes scan the room, and you notice that Jeff from marketing keeps drawing small crowds of people to him. The people are all smiling and engaged, and no one leaves the group.

What’s Jeff’s secret? How does he do it? He’s not telling jokes or performing magic tricks; in fact, he really isn’t saying a whole lot, yet he’s been able to comfortably engage with everyone in the room.
Good conversationalists have perfected their art

Some people are naturally blessed with a dynamic gift of gab and are able to talk to anyone about anything. Meanwhile, others struggle with simply engaging in small talk. What separates the two isn’t just a matter of affability. It’s more about their approaches to communication and their willingness to hone their conversational skills.

Being good at conversation is slightly different than being a good communicator. Communication is just one small component of the very delicate, dynamic and active dance that happens within every conversation.
Here are 6 tips to help you become great at conversing

1. Seed the conversation

The concept of seeding a conversation revolves around the idea of reaching outside of the topic of discussion and bringing in ideas that are thematically or philosophically related. It involves introducing and adding information and relating story excerpts from other domains that parallel the current topic. For example, if the topic is politics and the discussion turns to a particular candidate’s campaign strategy, you could introduce a relevant sports metaphor or relate it to an old war story illustrating a similar maneuver on the field of battle.

2. Know when (and when not) to interject personal experiences

Oftentimes, you’ll find yourself in a conversation with a person you may not know very well, and in an effort to establish common ground and appear relatable, you’ll begin trading stories with them. If they are talking about their dog that died, you might share the tragic tale of how you lost your gerbil in a big-wheel accident. But, while your intentions are simply to relate to the other person, this can come across as attention-seeking, or it can seem like you are trying to “one up” them, which is a major turn-off. Know when to share and when to simply let the moment belong to the other person.

3. Be attuned to the silent conversation (a.k.a. body language)

Being attuned to the moment when the conversation has run its course or is starting to fade is one of the most important skills a masterful conversationalist must perfect. Notice when your audience is starting to drift or become distracted or disengaged, and understand that it may be the time to end the conversation, or at least move away from that particular topic. Non-verbal cues communicate far more than what is being said.

4. Listen more than you speak


At the heart of being a good conversationalist is having exceptional listening skills. Listening is an action. It requires focus, concentration and lots of energy. Listening involves more than just hearing what someone is saying. It also requires interpreting, hearing context and sub-context, and reading between the lines. Listening should be done with both the eyes and the ears. It is an intuitive, active process.

5. Ask open-ended questions and give expanded answers.

Asking yes-or-no questions and/or giving yes-or-no answers are the ultimate show-stoppers. They kill the conversation, or at least stall it, and they cause that awkward silence where everyone is fishing for something to say. Being cognizant that everyone is not adept in conversation will help you work to provide expanded answers and ask open-ended questions. Giving the other person something to work with will help put at ease those who experience social tension.

6. Treat the conversation like a friendly tennis match

Do your part to keep the conversation going. One of the best ways to keep the conversational volley going is by showing emotion. The fact that we are truly engaged is demonstrated through our body language and facial expressions. Ensure that you are laughing at the appropriate places, and show sympathy, horror, or excitement as you actively listen. Your emotions and reactions should be genuine and appropriate for the tone and mood of the conversation. Save the theatrics for a different audience.

Conversations should arise organically – oversteering the conversation will shut it down quickly. Being affable, actively listening and carefully seeding the discussion will fuel the conversation and make you the talk of the party.

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Featured photo credit: Linh Do via flickr.com

Defeating the inner imposter that keeps us from being successful | Knato...



There Are 5 Stages Of Love, But Sadly Many Couples Stop At Stage 3




“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” – Audrey Hepburn

Ahh, love. It makes the world go around. It has inspired many poems, the most-read genre of books, and movies that make you grab a box of tissues. Nothing in life can compare to finding love. And when you locate that perfect partner, you plan to hold on tight forever. Till death do you part. So why do 40-50% of marriages end in divorce? Couples tend to end their relationships when they become disillusioned, not realizing it is simply one of many steps to a deeper, truer love.
The 5 Stages of Love

There are 5 stages of love that all relationships will eventually experience. Knowing this in advance can save you future heartache and problems. It also can provide you with hope that the situation you find yourself in will pass. If you face adversity together and hang on, life will get better. You will become closer and love will endure.

Stage 1: Passion and playfulness

You meet the man of your dreams. He’s cute, fun and downright sexy. He’s filled your waking thoughts. You can’t think straight and getting a text from him will make your heart flutter. You are falling fast.

In this first stage of love, your hormones run the show. You flirt, get butterflies in your stomach and heart, toss your hair back often and laugh a lot more. Falling in love makes you glow. Full of playfulness and passion, stage one of love, often called the honeymoon stage, tends to be everyone’s favourite because it’s fun.

Stage 2: Getting serious

Enter stage two. You still make a great couple. You hold hands in the park and cuddle up together to watch a movie, but something has changed. You’ve moved in together, maybe even got married and invested in a house. There might be a new baby in the picture or one on the way. The craziness of that honeymoon phase has calmed down.

You still have sex, but it’s more loving, more meaningful. And probably more rushed if you have a child. But now there are bills to worry about. Rent. Babysitters. Adult- stuff. That fun time has run its course and your relationship has entered the serious zone.

Stage 3: What happened?

Life seems to have rushed by and left you somewhere in the dust. You have friends living in Bali, others attending fun after-work parties and you are stuck going home each night to clean up a house, do laundry and make dinner that no one seems to appreciate. You feel as if your partner takes you for granted. What happened to those cuddles on the couch? And the last time he held your hand was to show you the mess the kids made in the bathroom. Stage three makes you seriously wonder if you lost that loving feeling!

What happened? Did you fall out of love? Most couples begin to feel resentment towards their partners at this stage in their relationship. They wonder what they missed in life had they stayed single, and wonder if being single would be a better place to be.

By this point, all illusions have been stripped away. You find yourself arguing more. The bills may be piling up, and kids proving to be a challenge. Romance seems like work and you can’t be bothered to squeeze in the time. You just want it to end. And most people do just that, end their relationship.

Stage 4: Climbing down from the pedestal

If you’ve stuck it out through the tough times of stage three, you will be rewarded. You and your partner have fallen from the pedestals that you placed each other on. You become real people, not gods descended from Mount Olympus. All veils are stripped away. You acknowledge that your partner has dreams and also problems, just like you. Stage three let you see the frustrations in your relationship. Stage four allows you to accept them and work through them.

You and your partner can face life and battle adversity as a team. You have reached the stage of real love, not love held up on romance and passion or stuck together because of a child, but love based on mutual understanding and acceptance of each other.

Stage 5: Working together as a team

Now that you’ve both embraced each other’s weaknesses and faults along with strengths and desires, you can combine forces and make the world a better place.

What social issues are you both passionate about? Do you both believe in healthy food choices? Get involved in a CSA co-op and help out on an organic farm or making farm fresh produce deliveries to people who can’t get out. Love the arts? Join a local cultural club or start a project or take a class together. Collaborate on an e-book. Volunteer at a national park.

As the old saying goes: “couples who play together, stay together.” By all means, keep your separate hobbies, but find a common ground and make it a project to work on together.

Don’t let your relationship become a statistic. When you arm yourself about the stages of love, it will help you get through those tough times to reach the other side. Love can be beautiful, but it is far from perfect. Nothing worth having comes easy. Hang on and love will endure.

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Featured photo credit: Pexels via pixabay.com

Wednesday, February 22, 2017


The Law of Attraction Explained - More money, better relationships and a...






5 Must-Have Skills for Every Successful Small Business Owner

By Tayyab Babar


If you look for successful small business owners on the internet, you’re likely to find a hundred different names and their stories of becoming successful. You’ll find these people and their stories as different as night and day. Running a small business is associated with huge responsibility–one that is linked with taking care of your investors and employees, serving your clients or customers, and most importantly living up to your own goals and standards. Starting and operating a new business can be hard as roadblocks you never thought to imagine might crop up, including limited time, manpower, and budgets.

With a solid team and the right tools, however, soon you will be on your way to reaching your business potential. To help find success as a small business owner, I’ve compiled this list of five essential skills that you must keep in mind.

1. Get organized

There is no question that the work you perform in your business are different than other business owners, but there is a strong connection in how you execute them. Think about it like making a grocery list; you get everything you need in one trip. You won’t drive back and forth for each item. Similarly, you should aim to consolidate your errands and the tasks of your business. Group similar tasks and aim to accomplish them on a specific day or at a certain time. For example, instead of checking your emails constantly throughout the day, answer your emails in the morning, and once again in the afternoon. By consolidating your tasks and getting work organized, you will eliminate multi-tasking and can focus on essential tasks to finish a project.

2. Enable your team with ready information

To make the right business decision your team must have all of the information about your market, your customers, your competitors and your business processes. Putting your team in a situation where they have to hunt for the required information is not productive for any kind of a business. It encourages frustration, and lack of accuracy for your team. In return, they will make a guess rather than hunting down the right information. Effectively using and managing information is critical to driving business and streamlining operations in the Big Data era. Think about the kind of information and the system to provide it to your team on a daily basis for their routine work. Do they have all the required information at their fingertips, or do they need to ask the manager and work up the chain to access it? You might need an online database management system to provide teams with all kinds of information in real time, ensuring instant data management.

3. Get in the cloud

According to a recent story on Forbes, 78% of U.S. small businesses will have fully adopted cloud computing by 2020, more than doubling the 37% in 2015, resulting in more databases taking up residence on the Web. The use of cloud-based applications and software can significantly improve business efficiency. Give your team members the possibility to work from anywhere, whether they are at home or are out of the station on a business tour. When you and your team members can work from any location, your productivity will increase. Look for ways to shift your business to a cloud to tap into this always-available work approach. Engage a professional to make cloud-based software for your business databases. Manage your sales and inventory in the cloud or web databases. Make it effortless for your sales team to work on the road, adding live sales figures and updates into your system.

4. Motivate your team

Being a business owner and an employer, leadership is a crucial key skill for success. In order to get the best from your team members, you must motivate and invigorate them. The success of your business will depend, to a great extent, on the spirit and productivity of your employees, and it is your responsibility to ensure that they are getting what they need (morally or monetarily) to perform exceptionally. You must be prepared and available to know the concerns from your staff.

5. Track performance

It’s essential to set business goals and objectives for your company, and to be able to measure progress. As a business owner, you need to establish specific measurements that show your business performance against the set goal. Measuring and tracking business performance will identify issues and success factors that will advance the overall organizational performance. Consider looking at your weekly sales or database software. Check your performance. Are you retaining customers? Track how your team performs. Are they hitting deadlines? Find tools that can help you to track performance within your day-to-day business.

7 Qualities of People with High Emotional Intelligence

EI determines how well you do at work. Do you have the traits that define it?
Rhett Power


“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”
At least that’s what Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., well-known writer and researcher on leadership who wrote the best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, says. Goleman has dedicated his work to finding out what makes people successful. And, his title spoiling the surprise, he says it comes down to their emotional intelligence. That’s what drives a person to excellence.
What exactly is emotional intelligence (EI)? Psychology Today says it’s:
  1. The ability to accurately identify your own emotions, as well as those of others
  2. The ability to utilize emotions and apply them to tasks, like thinking and problem-solving
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including controlling your own, as well as the ability to cheer up or calm down another person
The concept of emotional intelligence has been around since 1990, when Yale psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey presented the concept to the academic world. But Goleman has gone on to study it further—and he found a direct relationship between the EI of a company’s staff and the company’s success:
  • Employees with a high level of EI have self-awareness that helps them understand co-workers and meet deadlines.
  • When people have high EI, they are not bothered by client criticism; they remain focused on outcomes, rather than feeling offended.
  • If two job candidates have similar IQs, the one with the higher EI will likely be a better fit for the company.
Like Goleman said, no amount of smarts will make up for a lack of the ever-important emotional and social abilities, especially as part of the professional world. Not sure how to recognize this essential trait? Here are seven characteristics of emotionally intelligent people:

1. They’re change agents.

People with high EI aren’t afraid of change. They understand that it’s a necessary part of life—and they adapt.

2. They’re self-aware.

They know what they’re good at and what they still have to learn— weaknesses don’t hold them back. They know what environments are optimal for their work style.

3. They’re empathetic.

The hallmark of EI, being able to relate to others, makes them essential in the workplace. With an innate ability to understand what co-workers or clients are going through, they can get through difficult times drama free.

4. They’re not perfectionists.

While extremely motivated, people with EI know that perfection is impossible. They roll with the punches and learn from mistakes. 

5. They’re balanced.

Their self-awareness means that they naturally know the importance of and how to maintain a healthy professional-personal balance in their lives. They eat well, get plenty of sleep and have interests outside work.

6. They’re curious.

An inborn sense of wonder and curiosity makes them delightful to be around. They don’t judge; they explore the possibilities. They ask questions and are open to new solutions.

7. They’re gracious.

People with high EI know every day brings something to be thankful for—and they don’t see the world as “glass half-empty” as a lot of people do. They feel good about their lives and don’t let critics or toxic people affect that. 
Emotionally intelligent people know how to make work, and the world, a better place. Are you one of them?
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10 Things High EQ People Don’t Do
by Sarah Hansen 


Many people hang their success in life on their IQ level. Yet, there is something that can be an even stronger predictor of success. We all know really smart people who are limited in their lives because they just don’t play well with others. They have high IQs, but horribly low EQs. The good news is that while your IQ may be a bit harder to change, anyone can work on developing a better EQ.

Why should you care about enhancing your EQ? Because people who have developed their emotional intelligence enjoy more success in every area of life: social, emotional, physical, and financial. This is because life almost always involves interacting in some way with other people, and high EQ people just make each interaction more rewarding for everyone.

While EQ isn’t always easy to change quickly, with a bit of effort, most people can improve their emotional intelligence with coaching, self-introspection, and feedback from others. The other good news is that EQ naturally increases with age, even if you don’t conscientiously work on furthering it.
There are four main pillars that support a healthy emotional intellect.
High EQ people are self aware. Instead of just feeling without understanding the source, they can trace their emotions back to their origins and see them logically. They also have a realistic grasp of their strengths and weaknesses.
High EQ people conduct self management. They can rein themselves in, delay gratification, account for the needs of others, and balance their desires accordingly. They can also walk the middle ground between initiative and patience. They handle change well and follow through with commitments.
High EQ people are socially aware. They understand and tune into other people’s emotions and can adapt to unspoken social cues. They can also see the interpersonal interactions within groups and larger organizations.
High EQ people excel at relationship management. They just play well with others, inspire and influence people positively, communicate well, and manage conflict proactively.

In short, high EQ people draw you in and make you want to stay in their circles. How do you know if you have a high EQ? One way is to look at what emotional intellectuals don’t do.

1. They don’t react rashly.

Instead of reacting, high EQ people craft calculated responses. Life is full of stressors. Everyone has their own battles. However, people with high EQ learn to manage their responses to triggers in a proactive way. They learn how to calm down and relax in situations where low EQ people revert to panic and fear. They manage their more basic tendencies to react emotionally and filter that through their reasoning abilities to default to stress management activities.

High EQ people learn to not make decisions when angry, hurt, or scared. Instead, they self manage, get to a better mental state, and then make better decisions after reviewing the situation from their happy place.

2. They don’t avoid new experiences, ideas, or people.

I’m not saying that people with high EQ don’t have strong beliefs or ideas. They do. However, they are not afraid of learning more about other perspectives or having their beliefs challenged. They are open in their thinking vs. closed. They are intellectually curious. They often have friends from every walk of life and faith. They always seek new possibilities. They understand that they can’t always be right, and have the humility to embrace the fact that there is always more that they can learn.

Even when they do disagree with a concept, they consider why their first initial response was to dislike the idea and self analyze why this occurs. They refrain from reacting solely emotionally, and instead respond intelligently.

High EQ individuals see the best in other people. They aren’t afraid to accept help from others, as they realize their own limits and lean on trusted mentors when necessary.

High EQ people are not afraid of change and don’t need rules and structure to feel secure. They don’t remain emotionally unavailable to others or withhold intimacy from their loved ones. They aren’t afraid to have their beliefs or ideas challenged. They also don’t stubbornly cling to concepts and refuse to even entertain new facts that are presented to them.

3. They don’t focus only on self.

This is not to say that high EQ individuals don’t take time for themselves when needed. In fact, going into martyrdom mode is also not healthy. However, high EQ people are empathetic towards others. When it comes to people, they focus more externally vs. being self-absorbed. Instead of seeing life through the lens of their own needs and wants, they have the ability to look at the world from a bigger perspective and walk a mile in another person’s shoes. They are also more forgiving of themselves and others.

High EQ people don’t attack, judge, interrupt, invalidate, criticize, command, lecture, or blame people. They also don’t try to analyze others when they try to share their feelings. They aren’t jealous over loved one’s successes, but celebrate their victories.

4. They don’t become bitter.

Many people don’t take responsibility for their feelings; instead, they blame outside sources for them. However, if you think about it, this is a very basic way to behave. What happens if you take a toy from a child before they are ready to give it up? They cry and throw a tantrum.

You may have met people who still react like a two-year-old child when they are challenged. It’s so much more healthy for people to grow up emotionally as they grow up physically, but this doesn’t always occur. We can all usually “see” what’s wrong in a situation, but most low EQ people don’t move past that step of identifying the problem to finding a solution for it. Instead, they follow the predicable negative chain reaction that can lead to implosion.

High EQ individuals are also not afraid of a challenge, and don’t throw in the towel when they realize that they are not on the correct course. They make adjustments and keep working on solutions to their obstacles.

High EQ individuals don’t go through life feeling like the world owes them. They look within to determine why they do what they do, so they aren’t doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over.

5. They don’t stay ignorant about inner motives.

Ultimately, it comes down to what Socrates proclaimed so long ago. To have high EQ, you must “Know Thyself.”

High EQ individuals understand the chain reaction that occurs that brings about their emotions. They also can explain why they are experiencing certain feelings without blaming someone else. High EQ people are never emotionally dishonest and don’t withhold information, or downright lie, about what they are feeling. They also don’t minimize or exaggerate their emotions, nor do they let things build up until they blow up.

Being self aware helps you understand why you react as you do and if needed, to take steps to change it. You must learn who you are, and more importantly, not let others define you with their self-imposed expectations. As you become more self aware and manage your emotions more effectively, you also are able to subsequently better understand the reactions of others. This ultimately creates better personal relationships and overall happiness.

Some great questions to help you discover more about your inner workings are, “Why do I act like that?” “Why do I believe this way?” “Why am I afraid of having that concept challenged?”

6. They don’t clam up or blow up.
High EQ individuals are communication masters. They have excellent verbal and non-verbal communication and listening skills. They manage conflict better, have stronger relationships, and are able to convey thoughts in a non-threatening, respectful manner. Good communication also increases their ability to influence others in a positive way.

High EQ people, in addition to being more aware of their feelings, are also not afraid to share those feelings with others. And, they check their ego in at the door when it comes to gaining wisdom, insight, and feedback from trusted sources.

High EQ people often use phrases such as “I feel..” to express their emotions. However, they don’t use “I feel that…” This phrasing is often a tip off to a thought disguised as a feeling. For example, “I feel like you…” While the true “I feel” messages give necessary information in a non-threatening manner, the “you” messages usually do not reveal the person’s actual feelings, but can be thinly-veiled accusations.

High EQ individuals also don’t lay guilt trips on others. Instead, they always tell them where they honestly stand in the relationship. Instead of acting out their feelings by resorting to negative actions like door slams, moodiness, passive aggression, or silence, they talk about them calmly.

High EQ people also never resort to playing emotional games and manipulating others. They are excellent listeners, and do not interrupt or invalidate. They are open to other opinions and won’t try to “win” an argument by focusing on facts over feelings. They also don’t act superior or use intellect to judge and criticize others without considering the impact of their actions.

7. They don’t forget about balance.

High EQ people look at life from a balanced, positive viewpoint. They aren’t overly pessimistic or unrealistically optimistic. They tend to be happy and successful. They recognize the good in others and in themselves. They are forgiving of flaws. They make the best out of difficult situations, embracing hardships to help fuel their personal development and improvement. They also keep their sense of humor and find the light side of their trials. High EQ people understand what is within their control, and what is not. They don’t beat themselves up for things that they have no ability to influence.

8. They don’t embrace negativity.

High EQ people are not dominated by fear, worry, guilt, shame, embarrassment, obligation, disappointment, hopelessness, powerlessness, dependency, victimization, or discouragement. They do not give or receive manipulation.

High EQ people let their own personal goals and desires motivate them—not power, wealth, status, fame, or approval. They don’t do things because of a false sense of duty, guilt, force, or obligation. They balance out their feelings with reality checks of logic when needed. They are independent, intrinsically motivated, and self reliant. They also aren’t afraid to push out of their comfort zone to reach new heights.

9. They don’t let others get to them.

Do you know people who cause others to walk on eggshells? If you are unlucky enough to inadvertently make them upset, do they carry grudges? This is a sign of very low EQ.

People who have matured emotionally are resilient, able to agree to disagree, and do not internalize failure. Even if they have had a difficult life, they have managed to learn from the pain and become an even more amazing individual. They don’t dwell on the past, but learn from it. They realize that the past is out of their control, so they choose to live in the present and shape it into a better future.

Individuals with high EQ never hold onto self-destructive belief systems and negative self talk. They refuse to feel inadequate, bitter, disappointed, resentful, or victimized. If they have a pity party, it ends quickly and they certainly don’t send out invites. Instead of focusing on their weaknesses, high EQ people target their strengths.

High EQ people refuse to entertain insecurities or cling to negative experiences. They will not be defensive and freely admit when they make a mistake and apologize. They never avoid responsibility by saying things like, “I had no choice!” They never allow other people to make decisions for them, but take the steering wheel of their lives. They are patient people and can roll with the punches when life doesn’t go as planned.

High EQ people never shut out others. While they realize relationships can be painful, they understand the value far exceeds the hurt. They will never seek out substitute relationships with less threatening and more controllable subjects like pets or imaginary people to replace the real thing.

10. They don’t fight with their head and heart.

High EQ people are able to get in touch with what they are feeling, are interested in other people’s feelings, and are comfortable talking about their emotions. However, they also can recognize that feelings don’t equal fact. They tend to look at situations logically, understand why they feel a certain way, and then work through it proactively.

Emotional intelligence is certainly not easy to obtain and requires a lot of introspection and work; which is why it is so rarely found. However, once you have mastered this skill you will stand out from the crowd, and will soon discover better interpersonal relationships, career success, happiness, and peace. That will bring about a lot more inner satisfaction than bumping up your IQ score any day!

We all probably know people, at work or in our personal lives, who are great at listening and helping us feel more hopeful and optimistic. 6 Ways To Raise Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Featured photo credit: Young woman with guitar in forest in early autumn via shutterstock.com