Why I Gave up on My Debt-Free Dream

by Gemma Hartley 

At 22, I was drowning in debt from college expenses, a new baby, and a house my husband and I weren’t ready to buy. Our son spent the first week of his life in the hospital, and large hospital bills accrued. The mortgage loomed. Emergencies here and there, like our computer crashing or the car air conditioner breaking, were paid for on credit cards. We were staring down $140,000 in debt, and I felt completely hopeless.

One day, after ignoring another call from the hospital demanding payment, I took The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey off my bookshelf in desperation. It was a neglected graduation gift from a frugal-minded relative, and it soon became the cornerstone of my life.

I was hooked, convinced that Ramsey’s debt payoff method was the answer to all our money woes. I began listening to the Dave Ramsey radio show, reading the Dave Ramsey blog, and using the Dave Ramsey envelope system. We eschewed dining out and went months between buying single items of clothing. No expense in our budget was overlooked, and slowly but surely, I was beating back against our debt.

Five years into the process, we had three children, whose births were paid for in cash. We had no car payments, no credit card payments, and no loans of any kind except our mortgage, and we paid double on it each month.

We also had no life, but that didn’t matter to me. I was laser focused. In five more years, we would own our house and live beholden to no one.

I began talking to my husband about the possibilities we would have before us once we were freed from our mortgage — the vacations, the investment opportunities, the grocery budget — but the fact that we had hit our halfway mark didn’t excite him. Instead, it pushed him to his breaking point.

He didn’t want to work tirelessly to own a house in a rundown neighborhood full of poorly maintained rentals. He didn’t want to wait another five years to take our first family vacation. He didn’t want to give up a decade of our lives in order to live my extreme version of the American dream. He wanted a house in a better neighborhood that was actually big enough for our family. He wanted to spend some of the money he had worked so hard for. He was done.

Reluctantly, I gave in to save our marriage. We bought a bigger house that would keep us in debt for decades to come, even though the thought made my stomach churn.

Now my goal to live without debt was replaced with a beautiful new home. In one fell swoop I doubled our original debt to $280,000 — a number I knew I would not be able to battle. I ran numbers for hours on end and kept coming to the same conclusion: My debt-free dream was over.

I finally gave up trying to pay off the mortgage as if it were a 15-year term and decided to live like a normal person at long last. And I braced myself for resentment to settle into my bones. Surely there was no way I would be content giving up my obsessive goal and my debt-free identity.

As time went on, however, I found I loved it. I was happy to have some cash on hand rather than tightening our purse strings. I enjoyed the spacious new home and living in a nicer neighborhood. I relished going to the grocery store and not counting out every last cent on a calculator as I went through the aisles. I felt a thrill at purchasing a TV for the first time in my adult life, and reveled in the luxury of buying furniture that wasn’t secondhand.

It was a strange happiness, though, tinged at the edges with guilt. I had adhered to Dave Ramsey’s plan with the fervor of a devoted parishioner, and now I was turning my back on all the wisdom I had gained throughout those years. Even though I was now able to live more fully, the guilt of abandoning what amounted to a debt-free religion followed me.

A few months after the move, I deleted the Dave Ramsey podcast on my phone, closing that chapter of my life (at least for now). As I did so, I realized those years were not wasted. My frugality freed me from all of my debt except a home mortgage.

I can now live comfortably, still saving for the future, investing in my retirement, and even enjoying some money as well. Even though I may never reach the high echelon of Ramsey’s most successful devotees, I am glad for my half-finished journey. I am ready to live happily, with or without full freedom from debt.

Are You Living For Happiness Or Pleasure? They Are Different!

by Jay Hill

Do you live in the moment or are you building long-term happiness? Have you ever decided to go out and try a new activity or buy a new gadget, certain that it will make you happy, only to be disappointed?
So often, we think that a quick pick-me-up, such as a shopping spree or meal at a new restaurant, will revive our enthusiasm for life. However, we often find that we feel just as empty as we did before we left home. If you find yourself always trying to find happiness in the present, it may be time to re-examine your relationship to momentary pleasure and consider taking a long-term approach to happiness instead.
What is happiness, anyway?

It is important to appreciate the difference between pleasure – which is an immediate positive sensation experienced as a result of a particular activity – and happiness. Happiness is a state that persists across time, whereas pleasure is more fleeting in nature.

You feel pleasure when you eat a delicious meal, receive a massage, or enjoy a few extra hours of sleep on a Sunday morning.

Happiness is a global evaluation of your life as it stands, and it also offers a sense of hope for the future. Happiness may come from achieving a meaningful goal and reflecting on the steps you had to take to attain it, like building a long-term romantic relationship or undertaking a period of spiritual growth, for example.

Laying the foundations for future happiness is often hard work that brings little to no pleasure. Consider the following list of things that bring us long-term happiness, but often cause more pain than pleasure on a minute-by-minute basis:

Things that bring long term happiness though it can cause pain at the moment

Working hard to get into shape and improve your health
Working through difficulties in a relationship to strengthen it over the long-term
Working at a challenging job in order to gain a better quality of life and professional achievements
Renovating an old property in order to create a beautiful family home for years to come
Budgeting carefully to save well for a happy retirement

Equally, many common things we do in pursuit of pleasure do not actually result in happiness over the long term. These include:

Things that bring pleasure but not happiness

Eating tasty but unhealthy junk food, which results in poor health and weight gain
Procrastinating at work, which may be pleasurable, but can result in an unsatisfying career
Playing video games for hours at a time, which impairs productivity
Watching television that does little to improve our knowledge or appreciation of the world
Buying unnecessary items, like coffee, that give brief pleasure but deplete our finances over time

How should we balance momentary pleasure with true happiness?

There is no need to forsake all momentary pleasure. It is fine to live for the moment some of the time. However, when it becomes detrimental to your overall life progress over a long-term period of time, you need to work harder at striking a balance between long-term happiness and short-term gratification. If you have a gnawing sensation that you are missing out on life and that your goals have been unmet for months or even years, this is a sign that you need to focus on attaining long-term happiness and spend less time in pursuit of short-term pleasure.

You need to overcome your inability to push through discomfort and move towards what will make you happy over the long haul, even when you would much rather give into your desire for short-term gratification. We all know that working hard will pay off and produce long-lasting happiness, but actually making yourself put in the effort required can be immensely difficult. Anticipate these feelings and learn to take pride in overcoming them. Know that it is normal to resent discomfort, but that the happiest people are willing and able to tolerate psychological discomfort.

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Your January Action Plan: 10 Tips to Build Your Best Future

This year, make your efforts count.

by Cecilia Meis

Your Action Plan is a monthly to-do list of tips straight from SUCCESS magazine—10 things you can do right now to improve yourself and your life.

This month, start fresh by leaving your old, unproductive habits in 2016. Make the new year about polishing your strengths, your bank account and anything that will bring you closer to having the best year of your life.

1. Live Courageously

Fear is a natural and necessary part of growth. Choose to embrace uncertainty by reminding yourself what you lose when you give in to your fears.

2. Articulate Your Happiness

Write down your top five happiness goals. Be specific. For example, if you want to be more present and supportive in your relationships, list out each action step to get there.

3. Alter Your Mindset

Whenever you encounter a problem, make a list of the positive ways you could perceive it. Focus on those good thoughts and watch your happiness increase.

4. Practice Deliberately

Tonight, list your three biggest weaknesses. Select the one holding you back the most and make a plan to improve a little each day. Change doesn’t happen overnight; be patient but persistent.

5. Reflect

This week, make time to hike a new trail or visit a nature preserve. Leave technology at home and revel in the opportunity to reflect on your life free from distractions.

6. Find Your Strengths

Analyze your greatest successes. Identify what you did to accomplish those goals and how it was different from the times you failed. Commit to implementing that skill every day.

7. Choose Wisely

Struggling with making sound decisions? Gather as many facts as you can, and surround yourself with trusted peers before making your next big decision.

8. Impact Others

Money is a great tool to ensure a life of opportunities, but it can’t provide happiness. Focus your efforts on impacting the lives of those around you to create happiness in your life and theirs.

9. New You

As you plan your New Year’s resolutions, list three levels of your goal: A, B and C. Dream big on A, but stay realistic with B and C. Don’t forget to celebrate your milestones, no matter how small.

10. Be Accountable

Write down every dollar you spend to identify bad habits. Focus on reducing or eliminating one category. Store those savings for unexpected hardships.

How to know your life purpose in 5 minutes | Adam Leipzig | TEDxMalibu

Are you happy with your life?