Success and Freedom

Simon Sinek: The Secret to Leadership and Millennials Is Simply Purpose

We have millions of disaffected but purpose-driven young people who need to be treated with dignity, as individuals not numbers.

Michael Mooney

When Simon Sinek speaks, he’s quite convincing. It’s not just that he looks and sounds so smart. Alhough his spiked hair and thick-framed glasses do sort of make him look like a cartoon avatar for a modern brainiac, and his ever-so-slight British lilt does kind of imbue him with an extra air of sophistication. It’s that he’s always careful with his words and thoughtful about the way he presents them. Whether he’s talking about the chemicals in your brain or what he learned from his barista or how longtime General Electric CEO Jack Welch cast a plague upon modern society, Sinek’s arguments are informed by scientific research and his voice has all of the flair of a Juilliard-trained thespian.

Last winter, a video of Sinek talking about millennials went viral, racking up tens of millions of views on both Facebook and YouTube in a matter of days. It was shared by both older generations and millennials themselves. In an age of infinite distractions, getting millions of people to sit still and watch someone talk for 15 minutes is no small feat. (Some versions of the clip are even longer.) But Sinek deploys the perfect blend of humor, compassion and blunt, resonating truth. At 43 years old, he’s one of the nation’s most sought-after leadership consultants. His 2009 TED Talk is the third most popular of all time. He’s written three best-selling books—another book due out soon—and he’s worked with everyone from the military to massive international conglomerates to members of Congress. Only recently, though, has he turned his attention to what he calls the Millennial Question.

That’s what he’s addressing in that viral video. The clip begins with Sinek listing a lot of the stereotypical complaints about the generation born in and after the early 1980s: “They’re accused of being entitled and narcissistic and self-interested and unfocused and lazy,” he says to an audience of mostly young people who alternate between snickering and staring, transfixed. “But entitled is the big one.” He explains that millennials were subject to “failed parenting strategies.” They were given participation trophies—“a medal for coming in last”—and they were constantly told they were special.

This, he postulates, has made millions of young people ill-equipped to deal with the brutal realities of the working world. And as a result, this generation has turned to social media for fiendish escapism—the way an alcoholic turns to the bottle, Sinek says—and that has led to more people struggling with personal relationships and job fulfillment.

As he explains it in the video, the audience nods along. It all makes so much sense.

But now he’s sitting on a couch in the living room area of a suite in a luxury hotel, next to a window overlooking downtown Dallas. He’s in town to talk about leadership to thousands of managers at American Airlines, but at the moment he and I are talking about the assessments he made in that video.

I mention that I was born in the early ’80s. I was often told I’m special. And I got at least a few participation trophies as a kid. I tell him I was always able to distinguish those from the bigger trophies I got on other occasions, when I’d actually won something. (Or, more likely, got second or third.) I tell him I think it’s one of those things the generation gets a bad rap for, and that millennials are all different—which I concede even as the words leave my mouth, sounds like a very millennial thing to say.

“There are things that happen in the formative years of our lives that affect the way we view the world.”

Sinek, amused by the irony, emits a high-pitched cackle. “Of course people are all different,” he says. “However, there are things that happen in the formative years of our lives that affect the way we view the world. You can say that of every generation. So if you grew up in the Great Depression and during the Second World War, you’re probably a little miserly. You grew up during rations. If you’re a baby boomer, your formative years were during the Vietnam War and Richard Nixon. Of course you’re cynical of power.”

He says there are certain patterns that are “absolutely legitimate and fair across a generation because a generation came of age when certain things were happening in the world.” With millennials, he says, the world was altered by technology. “Access and connectivity didn’t exist before. And it absolutely affected the way a generation sees the world. Every kid? Of course not. But if we weren’t able to make generalizations, we wouldn’t have fields like psychology or sociology. Of course you can make generalizations about human behavior. Is it absolute? Of course not.”

Within minutes I forget whatever point I was trying to make about trophies not ruining kids, and now I’m re-evaluating not only my generation, but my own life and the way I form relationships.

Like I said, he’s very convincing.

***

Before he comes out, half a dozen people warm up the crowd, firing T-shirt cannons. Hundreds of middle-managers from the world’s largest airline stand up with their hands the air, reaching for the flying shirts. Then Sinek walks out in a stylish gray jacket, designer blue jeans and skater shoes, with a headset microphone wired over his right ear. He forgoes introductions and starts instead with a story.

We’re in a massive hotel ballroom, with rows and rows of tables and mugs and lanyards, and a stage at the front of the room painted with the American Airlines logo. In the lobby, greeting attendees, is a scale model of a new Boeing 777. Sinek says the company brought him in to help change the corporate culture. In front of him is a room full of airline employees who supervise other airline employees, but Sinek’s story, similar to a TED Talk he gave in 2014, is about something that happened in Afghanistan in 2009.

A column of American and Afghan troops was moving through a valley when it was ambushed. Army Capt. William Swenson would eventually be awarded the Medal of Honor for his actions that day, repeatedly running through enemy fire to rescue the wounded and recover the dead. One of the rescues happened to be caught on the camera of a medevac pilot, Sinek explains, and what was captured on video is extraordinary. As Swenson loads the fatally wounded soldier onto the helicopter, right before returning to battle, he leans over and gives the man a gentle kiss on the head.“I asked myself, ‘What is that?’ ” he says. The room is quiet and Sinek’s voice is soft. “Where do people like that come from and why is it that I don’t have people that I work with like that?” He lets the question linger for a moment.

The difference comes down to environment, he says. Those people aren’t born that way. A love so deep has to be cultivated over time.

“In the military, they give medals to people who are willing to sacrifice themselves so that others may gain,” he says. “In business, we give bonuses to people who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain.” The crowd responds with affirming nods.

This level of trust and self-sacrifice, Sinek explains, is a callback to our tribal ancestors, to a time when tribes of Homo sapiens were surrounded by things that could kill them, such as the weather or a lack of resources or vicious, carnivorous beasts. He turns to a massive pad of paper resting on an easel, picks up a marker, and draws a big circle. Outside of the circle he writes the word danger and inside he writes the word safe. Then he points to the paper and says, “Nothing has changed.”We have the same brain chemicals as our ancestors, and they’re released for the same types of reasons. He turns the page on the oversized notepad and starts a list. Endorphins, Sinek explains, mask physical pain. Dopamine comes naturally with a sense of accomplishment, he says, which can keep us focused on our goals. But it can be highly addictive, associated with drugs, alcohol, gambling and smartphone notifications. Serotonin is what he calls “the leadership chemical,” associated with pride and public recognition. Oxytocin, he explains, is associated with the good feeling you get when you’re with someone you trust. “It’s why we’re willing to make a handshake deal without a contract, but not a contract without a handshake.”

In hunting-and-gathering societies, the biggest and strongest could eat first. And the smaller guys “might be more willing to take an elbow in the face once in a while” if they knew that, when danger arrives, the bigger, stronger people would rush to defend the group. Leadership in our society works the same way, he says. If you’re the smartest or strongest—if you’re the leader—you might get the nicer office and the higher salary, but in exchange, it’s your responsibility to run toward danger.

“When your people believe that,” Sinek tells the crowd, “they love you.”

He says one of the most important sentiments any leader can express to someone in their charge is “I’ve got your back. There’s nothing you can break that I can’t help put back together. I believe in you even when you no longer believe in yourself.”

The audience is rapt. As he talks, I write in the margins of my notebook: very smooth delivery and very dramatic.

Then Sinek, standing in front of the American Airlines logo, on a stage facing hundreds of longtime American Airlines employees, adds this:

“That’s why people love flying Southwest.”

From the audience there are audible gasps.