This Mindset is Essential If You Want To Feel More Comfortable Around People

by Ana Erkic

Many people today struggle with some type of social anxiety whether it is related to a particular type of social situation, or it is present in any type of interaction with unfamiliar people. Being uncomfortable around people makes life a lot more complicated since in order to achieve any goal in life – personal or professional we ought to make conversations and develop relationships with others. More so, people are social beings, and it is in our DNA to want to interact with others, it is just that for some of us, it can be quite challenging at times.
The reasons we are uncomfortable around people

As mentioned earlier, we as humans are dependent upon social interactions and we essentially crave those, yet for some it may seem completely natural to express themselves in front of their close ones, while the thought of interacting with strangers seems unbearable. The fear of not being perceived by others as worthy creates a blockage in people’s thoughts preventing them from being able to think clearly, and therefore, their biggest fears come to life. The reasons may vary, but for most people the problem seems to develop out of negative self-belief. Overthinking, shyness and other side-effects have all been developed from a negative perception we have of ourselves. People who think of themselves as smart, funny, eloquent and attractive have no problem to interact with any group of people, whereas people who judge themselves too harshly often fear that others may do the same.

A mindset to help you be more comfortable around others

Contrary to the popular belief, there are no sets of skills we need to learn that would make us more comfortable when interacting with people. Even though good listening skills, empathy and body language can be beneficial, the only way that we are ever going to be comfortable around people is if we adopt the mindset that anyone who is great in different social situations has got.

It all comes down to how you see and believe yourself to be. Socially anxious people think that others perceive them as awkward, stupid or unattractive, or fear that they might if they start expressing themselves, when, in most cases, it is just their belief about themselves, and since they are so much focused on that perception, they tend to find evidence of that in social interactions.

Stop caring desperately about how other people may perceive you. Look for your positive traits and focus on those, then you will see how others respond well. You will get much more confident, because over time, you will stop caring so much what others think, since you will no longer need their validation to make you feel good. Then the magic starts to happen. You get to freely involve in many more social situations, your fear of rejection or of embarrassment disappears and you stop overthinking so much, and start acting instead. Your encounters with people improve as a result, as people like to spend time with you because you are able to develop much more meaningful conversations since you are no longer only focused on what you are about to say, and as a result, you become more engaging rather than standing on the sidelines.

Even if you find yourself in an unpleasant social situation, don’t get mad or feel hurt. Don’t let it bring you down, because if you feel bad, you will start overthinking again and your confidence level will go down. Just put on a big smile and keep going. Not everybody can like you, and that’s fine. If you stop being harsh to yourself and act instead of think, people will see how confident you are and feel attracted to you and start enjoying your company.

Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

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If Overthinking Is Your Habit, You’ve Judged Yourself Too Much

We are all victims of overthinking. For some of us it can be a fleeting thought but for many of us it can cause real damage in our perception of ourselves, others and the world around us.
Overthinking is an epidemic stemming from our tendency to compare ourselves to others; feeling inadequate and focusing too much on negative aspects of situations. In essence, it’s our judgemental thought patterns that create this world in our mind – a world of low self-worth and disconnect with our true self.

How Overthinking and Self-Judgement Are Connected

                         
As humans, we are capable of deep, critical thinking about many subjects. If our mental health isn’t always healthy, we tend to judge ourselves and the relationship we have with everything. This causes us to hone in on a narrow idea of who we are. We’re too fat, too old, unsuccessful, unassertive, not passionate enough – and the worst one of all: not good enough.
For example, if you have feelings of self-doubt about your ability to be successful, then this seed of thought can affect all areas of your life such as career, goals and dreams, relationships and friendships. Overthinking the lack of success and your ability to achieve it leads to more self-judgement. When opportunities arise in life like the perfect job interview or the perfect love, you end up sabotaging your potential through the act of overthinking your low worth and inability to succeed.
In essence, it can be a vicious cycle where overthinking leads to self-criticising, which in turn, leads to more overthinking.
To Stop Judging Ourselves We Need To Stop Judging Others
Judging others is just the start. If we have the ability to judge others based on our preconceived ideas and prejudices, then we have the ability to judge ourselves but with much harsher consequences. This inevitably leads to the overthinking we’re so familiar with.

Training ourselves not to judge others is the first step. Look at these two people – what judgemental thoughts arise when you look at them?
Is the well-dressed, slim person successful but the over-weight person lazy or unsuccessful? Neither are necessarily true. It can be shocking what assumptions we make based on first perceptions but it’s these that are the basis of our own self-judgement.
The art of taking in the whole view rather than making a stern, often wrong, decision on something is often practised by Buddhists. Mediation teaches us to not judge our thoughts but to note them and let them go on their merry way. Just observing a simple object can help identify our way of making judgements.

Try with a strawberry – what conclusions to do get from looking at it? Ask yourself why you make these assumptions.
                     

Move on to people – watch people when you’re out and about. See what assumptions you make about them and their lives – why do you have these views?
Finally try this on the judgements you make on yourself and question whether your perceptions are really just illusions you create.
By doing this, you can start to lessen your tendency to overthink. Once negative thoughts about yourself start to build up, you are in a better position to notice and understand them. But more importantly, stop them in their tracks.
So, don’t beat yourself up for judging yourself. Realise that your perceptions can be based on false views and assumptions. Having the right mindset is the key to creating happiness in yourself – free of unnecessary worry and overthinking and building a space of non-judgement. Give yourself a break.