Monday, June 12, 2017
8 Daily Habits to Build Your Mental Strength
Mentally strong people seek strength and fortitude by building themselves up every day.
One of the determinants for success and leadership is mental strength. To be a peak performer and attain excellence in any field, you need desire, effort and discipline. This goes beyond acting tough; you have to be willing to work hard and persist even in the face of struggles.
Mentally strong people are willing to seek strength and fortitude by building themselves up every day. Here are eight daily habits that can help you build your mental strength.
1. Be willing to learn.
We live in the Information Age, yet not everyone is taking advantage of all the opportunities it presents for learning. Mentally strong people do not see learning as a tedious process, but as an essential routine to develop their mental strength. You have to view learning as a way to improve yourself and as a way to surge ahead in a highly competitive world.
2. Be willing to adapt.
Change is a constant factor in life; you have to learn to deal with it because nothing stays the same. It takes mental strength to be flexible and adjust to outside circumstances. You cannot afford to play the blame game or complain about imperfect situations, so learn to work toward solutions regardless of changing circumstances.
3. Be a giver.
Adam Grant, Wharton professor and author of the best-selling book Give and Take, believes that giving is an essential part of becoming successful. It takes mental strength to give or to want to go the extra mile for someone without expecting anything in return. Focus on adding value and contributing to the world.
4. Think outside the box.
Mentally strong people forge their own paths. Sometimes you need to be creative and think outside the box to reach your goals—to get out of your comfort zone or take an unfamiliar route. What is essential is that you are solution-oriented and see problems as opportunities.
5. Believe in yourself.
If you do not believe in yourself, who will? It’s not about what others have to say about you; it’s what you have to say about yourself. We all face challenges on a daily basis, but when you are firm and resolute about your desires, you will achieve the things you want most.
6. Be responsible.
Your successes and failures are on you, not anyone else. Although some people prefer to blame others, you become mentally strong by admitting errors and taking responsibility for the challenges you face. Show others what needs to be done instead of retreating in fear, and take pride in overcoming your daily encounters.
7. Be self-aware.
The right questions offer the right answers. It takes mental strength to understand your emotions, strengths and weaknesses. Even when you are having a rough day, you are aware of what you need to do to find peace. Assessing your emotions and knowing yourself can help you retain a calm attitude even during times of crisis.
8. Assume control.
In a fast-paced digital world, there are countless distractions. According to Neil Patel, entrepreneur and digital strategist, “We live in a time when we are constantly being marketed to through several media. The future belongs to those who can assume control.” Mentally strong people rise above negative situations and time-sucking distractions.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" Green Day cover performed by Lindsey Stirli...
We all love good music but this time check a different style.
The Scientific Explanation on Why We Attract What We Are
Amber Pariona
Haveyou ever noticed a pattern in your romantic relationships? We tend to have very specific behaviors with our partners and these behaviors tend to repeat themselves. Maybe you’ve been called “clingy” a couple times? Or maybe you run from relationship problems rather than work through them. Whatever your particular relationship pattern, it can all be explained by attachment theory.
Attachment theory helps explain the attachment style we use in our adult relationships. Understanding this, is the key to finding a lasting relationship.
Your attachment style determines who you attract.
How can understanding attachment theory help you find a partner? Well, your attachment style affects every aspect of your romantic relationships, from being attracted to a particular person to how the breakup goes. Learning more about your attachment style, helps you learn more about your personal needs and how to get those needs met.
Attachment theory can help you understand what strengths and weaknesses you bring to a relationship and how you can make those traits work in your favor. The more you understand your attachment style, the more likely you are to find somebody that matches and complements that style.
We are all wired to one of the 4 types of attachment styles.
According to attachment theory, there are 4 types of attachment styles:
1. Secure Attachment
If you experienced a secure relationship with your parents and grew up feeling safe to grow and explore independently, you probably have secure attachment. This means that you tend to feel secure and close to your partner, but still respect each person’s independence in the relationship.
2. Anxious Preoccupied Attachment
If you have an anxious preoccupied attachment style, it might be hard for you to feel satisfied in your romantic relationships. In fact, you might be described as clingy or possessive as you rely on your partner to make you feel happy or to help you overcome your fears. You might even spend a lot of time worried that you will lose your significant other.
3. Dismissive Avoidant Attachment
If you are a dismissive avoidant, attachment theory says that you tend to isolate yourself from your partner. You might come off as unconcerned with your relationship and may go so far as to say that having a romantic partner isn’t that important. You try to avoid emotional connection with another person.
4. Fearful Avoidant Attachment
If you have fearful avoidant attachment, you probably experience two kinds of fear simultaneously: the fear of letting yourself get to close to your partner and the fear of being too distant with your partner. Living in this constant state of confusion takes a toll on your emotions. People have probably told you that you’re emotional and unpredictable because your moods tend to change dramatically and with no warning.
According to research, around 50% of the general population has a secure attachment style, 20% has an anxious attachment style, and 25% has an avoidant attachment style.
In the dating world, that is single and available adults, you’re more likely to find somebody who fits one of the avoidant attachment styles. Why? Because people with secure attachment have a higher probability of being in a committed relationship.
So, you’ve looked over the relationship styles of attachment theory and think you know which category you fit in. So now how do use that information to help you find a lasting relationship?
Some people tend to be drawn to a specific type of people.
Attachment theory tells us that people with certain attachment styles tend to be drawn to somebody of a complementary nature. What does this mean? If you’re an anxious or avoidant person, you might find a secure person to be a little boring. You crave drama, mistakenly believing it is the same as sharing romantic chemistry. A securely attached person isn’t going to provide that.
As a result, avoidant and anxious people often end up together. Two avoidant people make for barely there relationship; both people spend all their time avoiding each other. Two anxious people make for an unpredictable and high stress relationship; each convinced the other is going to abandon them.
But an anxious and an avoidant person together? These 2 attachment styles complement each other in that an anxious person is willing to wait around for their avoidant partner to commit to the relationship. This anxious attachment actually validates avoidant behavior by letting the avoidant know their behavior will be tolerated.
Securely attached individuals can be with any of the style according to attachment theory. This is because they can validate their partner’s feelings and help them overcome their fears. So how can you achieve a secure attachment style?
It’s possible to change your attachment style.
First, you need to accept your attachment type by being honest with yourself. If you are an anxious partner, admit it.
Then, ask yourself why. Think back to your childhood, write down all of your memories if you need to. Really look at what happened to you while growing up and try to make sense of it, try to determine how it is affecting your adult relationships today.
Making this connection can help you develop a more secure attachment style, which can help you find a lasting relationship.
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Saturday, June 10, 2017
3 Ways to Break Free From Being "Too Busy"
The feeling of being busy is quite common but does it just actually mean that you’re tired or feeling overwhelmed or burnt out? Do you often answer the question: “How are you?” with “soooo busy” or “things are crazy busy at the moment!”
We’ve all heard the saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” And there is truth to that. However, there’s a difference between working with purpose and intent vs. squeezing as much in as possible.
Your work is your own and you define your own success.
Busy makes people feel important. It feels good to be busy and there’s a connection to feeling accomplished or successful and wanting to share that with others. Everyone wants to be heard and appreciated. But “Busy-itis” can come from wanting the approval of others and it’s exhausting trying to keep up which can prevent you from doing work you love and being your most efficient and productive self.
It's less about actually being busy with a full calendar and more about how a person wants to be perceived. “Busy-itis” can also come from not being comfortable or wanting to sit with yourself alone. Making the time to slow down can actually take a lot of work. Sounds easy to “sit down” but quieting the mind and looking inward to discover that true confidence comes from within and you don’t need the approval of others. Your work is your own and you define your own success.
Getting over “busy-itis” can be a process but well worth it – there is a chance for you to enjoy every single day to the fullest AND feel proud of your work.
You manifest change and the opportunity for you to enjoy every single day instead of running around like crazy, trying to check everything off your to-do list, see your friends and family and make time for yourself - this doesn't mean taking a workout class to check another thing off your list but truly making time for self care and rest. There will be a moment when you realize that you’re spread too thin and that you chose this busy lifestyle. I’ve been there – you are just completely exhausted and left feeling drained. I wanted to keep pushing myself and kept coming up with the question, when will it ever be enough?
A very common symptom of "busy-itis" is brain fog. Brain fog can be as simple a forgetfulness, confusion or lack of mental clarity. Sometimes we move so fast throughout the day, we are on auto pilot and don't remember how we got from point A to point B. High levels of stress hormones can cause brain fog - feelings of stress, anxiety, anger, fear and frustration. When your mind is fuzzy, you can't retain knowledge as well.
Another common symptom is exhaustion. This is not the same as feeling tired but total depletion which can be caused by stress. Often times we manage our stress with keeping busy and distracting ourselves or trying to completely ignore what is actually going on. If you are frequently getting sick, this is another sign of stress overload or "busy-itis." Do you feel like you are coming down with a cold more often than your friends? Those who suffer from "busy-itis" especially need to listen to their bodies and not power through the day when they are feeling under the weather. If you don't break the cycle, "busy-itis" can snowball into a long term health condition such as depression or heart disease. Just remember that the mind and body are intrinsically connected.
When we learn to slow down, we begin to truly connect with our work and with others.
Getting over “busy-itis” can be a process but well worth it – there is a chance for you to enjoy every single day to the fullest AND feel proud of your work.
3 Tips for Those Suffering From “Busy-itis”
1. Create a morning routine: Enjoy your morning and wake a little earlier to make some extra time for yourself. This can mean journaling, reading or cooking breakfast. Having a morning breath work or meditation practice can be extremely beneficial and will prepare to take on the day!
2. Redefine your to-do list: Instead of creating a long list, make your to-do list more of an exercise and ask yourself why next to each item. This will help you set your intentions for the day and remind yourself to acknowledge the tasks that you love doing.
3. Remove the word busy from your vocabulary! Come up with another response for when people ask, “how are you doing”. Stop telling people how busy you are. Take a moment to confidently share the work you are doing which will have you build stronger relationships and have deeper connections in the long run!
After many years of “busy-itis” it may be tough to change your thought patterns and automatic responses. But, it is totally doable with these 3 simple steps. When we learn to slow down, we begin to truly connect with our work and with others.
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