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Friday, April 28, 2017
Amazing Selling Machine
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34 Things You Need to Know About Becoming Successful - part 1
Benjamin P. Hardy
1. It’s never as good as you think it will be.
“One of the enemies of happiness is adaptation,” says Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University who has studied the relationship between money and happiness for more than two decades.
He adds, “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.”
Actually, savoring the anticipation or idea of a desired outcome is generally more satisfying than the outcome itself. Once we get what we want—whether that’s wealth, health or excellent relationships—we adapt and the excitement fades. Often the experiences we’re seeking end up being underwhelming and even disappointing.
I love watching this phenomenon with our foster kids. They feel as if they need a certain toy or the universe will explode. Their whole world revolves around getting this one thing. Yet once we buy the toy for them, it’s not long before the joy fades and they want something else.
Until you appreciate what you currently have, more won’t make your life better.
2. It’s never as bad as you think it will be.
Just as we deceive ourselves into believing something will make us happier than it will, we also deceive ourselves into believing something will be harder than it will.
The longer you procrastinate or avoid doing something, the more painful (in your head) it becomes. But once you take action, the discomfort is far less severe than you imagined. Humans adapt to the most extremely difficult things. I recently sat on a plane with a lady who has 17 kids. Yes, you read that correctly. After having eight of her own, her and her husband felt inspired to foster four siblings whom they later adopted. A few years later, they took on another five foster siblings whom they also adopted.
Of course, the initial shock impacted her entire family. But they’re handling it. And believe it or not, you could handle it too, if you had to. The problem with dread and fear is that it holds people back from taking on big challenges. What you will find—no matter how big or small the challenge—is that you will adapt to it. When you consciously adapt to enormous stress, you evolve.
3. There is no way to happiness.
“There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.” —Thich Nhat Hanh
Most people believe they must:
Most people believe they must:
- First have something (e.g., money, time or love)
- Before they can do what they want to do (e.g., travel the world, write a book, start a business or have a romantic relationship)
- Which will ultimately allow them to be something (e.g., happy, peaceful, content, motivated or in love).
- Paradoxically, this have-do-be paradigm must actually be reversed to experience happiness, success or anything else you desire.
- First you be whatever it is you want to be (e.g., happy, compassionate, peaceful, wise or loving)
- Then you start doing things from this space of being.
- Almost immediately, what you are doing will bring about the things you want to have.
We attract into our lives what we are. This concept is confirmed by loads of psychological research. In his popular TED talk, Harvard psychologist and SUCCESS Happiness Guy Shawn Achor explains that most have happiness backwards. They believe they must first achieve or acquire something to be happy, when science shows that happiness facilities success.
For example, Scott Adams, the creator of the famous comic series “Dilbert,” attributes his success to the use of positive affirmations. Fifteen times each day, he wrote this sentence on a piece of paper: “I, Scott Adams, will become a syndicated cartoonist.” The process of writing this 15 times a day buried the positive idea deep into his subconscious—putting Adams’ conscious mind on a treasure hunt for what he sought. The more he wrote, the more he could see opportunities that were previously invisible to him. And shortly thereafter, he was a highly famous syndicated cartoonist. It couldn’t not happen.
I personally apply a similar principle but write my goal in the present tense. For example, rather than saying, “I will become a syndicated cartoonist,” I write, “I am a syndicated cartoonist.” Writing it in the present tense highlights the fact that you are being who you want to be, which will then inform what you do and ultimately who you become.
4. You already have enough.
In an interview at the annual Genius Network event in 2013, Tim Ferriss was asked, “With all of your various roles, do you ever get stressed out? Do you ever feel like you’ve taken on too much?”
Ferriss responded, “Of course I get stressed out. If anyone says they don’t get stressed out, they’re lying. But one thing that mitigates that is taking time each morning to declare and focus on the fact that I have enough. I have enough. I don’t need to worry about responding to every email each day. If they get mad, that’s their problem.”
He was later asked during the same interview, “After having read The 4-Hour Workweek, I got the impression that Tim Ferriss doesn’t care about money. You talked about how you travel the world without spending any money. Talk about the balance and ability to let go of caring about making money.” Ferriss responded, “It’s totally OK to have lots of nice things. If it is addiction to wealth, like in Fight Club, ‘The things you own end up owning you,’ and it becomes a surrogate for things like long-term health and happiness—connection—then it becomes a disease state. But if you can have nice things, and not fear having them taken away, then it’s a good thing. Because money is a really valuable tool.”
If you appreciate what you already have, than more will be a good thing in your life. If you feel the need to have more to compensate for something missing in your life, you’ll always be left wanting—no matter how much you acquire or achieve.
5. You have every advantage to succeed.
It’s easy to talk about how hard our lives are. It’s easy to talk about how unfair life is—that we got the short end of the stick. Does this kind of talking really help anyone? When we judge our situation as worse than someone else’s, we are ignorantly and incorrectly saying, “You’ve got it easy. You’re not like me. Success should come easy to you because you haven’t had to deal with what I’ve gone through.” This paradigm has formally become known as the victim mentality, and it generally leads to feelings of entitlement.
The world owes you nothing. Life isn’t meant to be fair. But the world has also given you everything you need. The truth is, you have every advantage in the world to succeed. And by believing this in your bones, you’ll feel an enormous weight of responsibility to yourself and the world. You’ve been put in the perfect position to succeed. Everything in the universe has brought you to this point so you can now shine and change the world. Your natural state is to thrive. All you have to do is show up.
50 Ways Happier, Healthier and More Successful People Live on Their Own Terms - part 5
41. Track at least one habit or behavior you’re trying to improve.
“When performance is measured, performance improves. When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates.” —Thomas Monson
Tracking is difficult. If you’ve tried it before, chances are, you quit within a few days. Research has repeatedly found that when behavior is tracked and evaluated, it improves dramatically. It’s best to track only a few things. Maybe just one at a time. If you want to track your diet, a fun approach is taking a picture of everything you eat. Everything. This allows you the time to determine if you really want to put that in your body. Your tracking can be creative. Do what works for you. Use a method you will actually do. But start tracking. As a consultant and executive coach, tracking and reporting behavior daily has been the No. 1 factor in my clients’ success. When you track something, you become aware of it. When you report something, you become accountable to it.
Most of my clients simply send me an email at the end of their workday with a few bullet points (e.g., I did four hours of work on my startup, I made three sales, I didn’t check social media before noon). Accountability to a spreadsheet or app is not the same as accounting to a person—particularly one you trust and respect.
42. Have no more than three items on your to-do list each day.
When you shift your life from day-to-day reactivity to one of creation and purpose, your goals become a lot bigger. Consequently, your priority list becomes smaller. Instead of doing a million things poorly, the goal becomes to do a few things incredibly—or better yet, to do one thing better than anyone else in the world.
“If you have more than three priorities, then you don’t have any.” —Jim Collins
So, instead of trying to do a million small things, what one or two things would make the biggest impact?
Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic Coach, explains that there are two economies: The Economy of Hard Work and The Economy of Results. Some people think hard work is the recipe. Although this is completely true, the effort is often misplaced. Most people focus on the process or work first, and the result second. Conversely, those who determine the outcomes they are seeking first better discern which strategy will be most effective. Sure, that strategy might be out of your comfort zone, but as Tim Grover writes in Relentless, “When you crave the end result, the hard work becomes irrelevant.” Tim Ferriss, in his book The 4-Hour Body, explains what he calls Minimum Effective Dose (MED), which is simply the smallest dose that will yield a desired result and anything past the MED is wasteful. Water boils at 100° Celsius at standard air pressure—it is not “more boiled” if you add more heat. What is the fastest way to get your desired outcome?
43. Make your bed first thing in the morning.
According to psychological research, people who make their bed in the morning are happier and more successful than those who don’t. If that’s not enough, here’s more:
- 71 percent of bed-makers consider themselves happy.
- While 62 percent of non-bed-makers are unhappy.
Bed-makers are also more likely to like their jobs, own a home, exercise regularly and feel well rested; whereas non-bed-makers hate their jobs, rent apartments, avoid the gym and wake up tired.
Crazy, right?
Something so simple. Yet, when you make your bed first thing in the morning, you knock off your first accomplishment of the day. This puts you in a mindset of winning. Do it! It only takes 30 seconds.
44. Make one audacious request per week. (What do you have to lose?)“
Rainmakers generate revenue by making asks. They ask for donations. They ask for contracts. They ask for deals. They ask for opportunities. They ask to meet with leaders or speak to them over the phone. They ask for publicity. They come up with ideas and ask for a few minutes of your time to pitch it. They ask for help. Don’t let rainmaking deter you from your dream. It’s one of the barriers to entry, and you can overcome it. Once you taste the sweet victory of a positive response, you’ll not only become comfortable with it, you might even enjoy it. But making asks is the only way to bring your dream to life.” —Ben Arment
- I got into graduate school way after applications were due because I asked.
- I’ve gotten free NBA tickets by asking a few players I saw at a hotel.
- I’ve gotten my work published on high-tier outlets because I asked.
Very few things in life are just randomly given to you as an adult. In most cases, you need to earn it or ask for it. There are many opportunities currently available to everyone if they would muster the courage and humility to ask. The entire crowdfunding industry is based on making asks. Start making bold and audacious asks. What’s the worst that could happen? They say no? What’s the best that could happen? When you don’t ask, you lose by default. And you’ll never know the opportunities you missed out on. Don’t sell yourself short.
- Ask that beautiful girl on a date.
- Ask for that raise or big opportunity at work.
- Ask people to invest in your idea.
Put yourself out there. You’ll be blown away by what happens.
45. Be spontaneously generous with a stranger at least once per month.
Life isn’t all about what you can achieve or acquire. It’s more about who you become and what you contribute. Interestingly, research conducted at Yale University found that people are instinctively cooperative and generous. But if you stall and think about being helpful or generous, you’re less likely to do it. And the longer you wait, the likelihood of you being helpful diminishes. This principle applies to other areas as well, like creativity. The longer you wait to do something, the less likely it is you’ll do it. So be spontaneous.
- When you get the wild thought of buying the person’s food in the car behind you, just do it. Don’t think about it.
- If you’re driving down the road and see someone with car trouble off to the side, just do it. Don’t think about it.
- When you want to say “I love you” to a loved one, just do it. Don’t think about it.
Paralysis by analysis is dumb. And Malcolm Gladwell explains in Blink that snap decisions are often far better than well-thought-out ones.
46. Write and place a short, thoughtful note for someone once per day.
The messages of handwritten letters impact deeper and are remembered longer than electronic messages. There is no comparison to this traditional form of conversation. Handwritten messages are so powerful that people often keep these notes for a long time. Sometimes a lifetime. Jack Canfield teaches that writing three to five handwritten notes per day will change your relationships. In our email world, it can seem inefficient to handwrite and mail a letter. But relationships aren’t about efficiency. Not only will handwriting letters change your relationships, it will change you. Research has shown that writing by hand increases brain development and cognition more than typing can. Consequently, the things you write will be seared into your own memory as well, allowing both you and the recipient to reflect on cherished moments. Writing handwritten notes spices up your relationships, adding an element of fun. It’s exciting placing kind and loving notes in random places for your loved ones to find. Put a note under the windshield wipers of your loved one’s car to find after a hard day’s work. Wait until they come out and watch them from across the street. You’ll see their eyes light up and a smile spread across their face.
- Other fun places include:
- In the fridge
- In the closet
- On the computer keyboard
- In their shoe
- In their wallet
- The mailbox
Anywhere that makes the experience a surprise…
47. Become good friends with your parents.
Many people have horrible relationships with their parents. I once did myself. Growing up can be tough and sometimes our parents make horrible decisions that negatively impact us. My parents have become my best friends. They are my confidants. I turn to them for wisdom and advice. They understand me like no one else. Biology is a powerful thing. Although I don’t see things the same way my parents do, I love them and respect their viewpoints. I love working out with my dad and talking about big ideas with my mom. I couldn’t imagine not being close to them. If your parents are still around, rekindle those ties or increase the flame. You’ll find enormous joy in those relationships.
48. Floss your teeth
About 50 percent of Americans claim to floss daily. My guess is that’s a large overestimate. Either way, the benefits of flossing are incredible. Doing so daily prevents gum disease and tooth loss. Everyone gets plaque, and it can only be removed by flossing or a deep cleaning from your dentist. Plaque buildup can lead to cavities, tooth decay and gum disease. If left untreated, gum disease can be a risk factor for heart disease, diabetes and a high body mass index.Yes, not flossing can make you fat. Not only that, but it greatly reduces bad breath.
49. Eat at least one meal with your family per day.
If possible, eat a sit-down meal with your loved ones daily. It doesn’t matter if it’s breakfast, lunch or dinner. We’ve become so high-paced in the world that everything we do is on the go. We’ve forgotten what it means to just be with our loved ones. Eating together creates a sense of community like nothing else. Teens who have fewer than three family dinners a week are 3.5 times more likely to abuse prescription drugs and to use illegal drugs other than marijuana, three times more likely to use marijuana, more than 2.5 times more likely to smoke cigarettes and 1.5 times more likely to try alcohol, according to the CASA report.
50. Spend time reflecting on your blessings at least once per day.
Gratitude is the cure-all for all the world’s problems. It has been called “the mother of all virtues” by the Roman philosopher Cicero. When you practice gratitude, your world changes. There is no objective reality. All people perceive reality as they selectively attend to things that are meaningful to them. Hence, some people notice the good while others notice the bad. Gratitude is having an abundance mindset. When you think abundantly, the world is your oyster. There is limitless opportunity and possibility for you. People are magnets. When you’re grateful for what you have, you will attract more of the positive and good. Gratitude is contagious. It changes not only your world, but everyone else’s you come in contact with.
50 Ways Happier, Healthier and More Successful People Live on Their Own Terms - part 4
31. Tithe or give 10 percent of your income away.
“One gives freely, yet grows all the richer.” —Proverbs 11:24
Many of the wealthiest people in the world attribute their healthy financial life and abundance to giving some of it away. Most people are trying to accumulate as much as they can. But a natural principle of wealth creation is generosity. As Joe Polish says, “The world gives to the givers and takes from the takers.”
From a spiritual perspective, everything we have is God’s (or the Earth’s). We are merely stewards over our possessions. When we die, we don’t take our money with us. So why hoard it? As you give generously and wisely, you’ll be stunned by the increases in your earning potential. You’ll develop traits needed for radical wealth creation.
32. Drink 64 to 100 ounces of water per day.
Human beings are mostly water. As we drink healthy amounts of water, we have smaller waistlines, healthier skin and better-functioning brains. Actually, as we drink enough water, it’s safe to say we’re better in every way. It’s a no-brainer. If you’re not drinking the healthy amount of water each day, you should critically assess your priorities in life.
33. Buy a small place rather than rent.
Unless you live in a big city (which many of you do), I’m baffled how many people pay outlandish amounts on rent each month.
When my wife and I moved to Clemson to begin graduate school, we did a lot of front-end work to ensure we’d be able to buy a home. What’s shocking is that our mortgage payment is far less than most of our friend’s rent payments. By the end of our four years here in Clemson, we’ll have earned several thousand dollars in equity and even more in appreciation. Conversely, many of our friends are simply dumping hundreds of dollars into someone else’s pockets every month. Paying rent is like working hourly. You get money while you’re on the clock. When you’re not on the clock, you get no money. Earning equity is like having residual income. Every month you pay down your mortgage, you actually keep that money. So you’re not “spending to live” like most people do. You’re living for free while saving—and often earning in appreciation.
34. Wait to check your email and social media at least 60 to 90 minutes after you wake up.
Most people check their email and social media immediately upon waking. This puts them in a reactive state for the remainder of the day. Instead of living life on their own terms, they’d rather respond to other people’s agendas. Hence, the importance of having a solid morning routine. When you wake up and put yourself, not other people first, you position yourself to win before you ever begin playing. As Stephen Covey teaches in his book Spiritual Roots of Human Relations, “Private victory always precedes public victory. ”Make the first few hours of your morning about you, so that you can be the best you can for other people. My morning routine consists of prayer, journal writing, listening to audiobooks and podcasts while I work out, and taking a cold shower.After I’ve had an epic morning, and I’m clear on the direction of my day, I can utilize email and social media for my benefit rather than detriment.
35. Make a few radical changes to your life each year.
Reinvent yourself every year. Novelty is an antidote to monotony. Jump into new pursuits and relationships.
- Try things you’ve never done before.
- Take risks.
- Have more fun.
- Pursue big things you’ve been procrastinating for years.
In 2015, my wife and I went from having no kids to having three foster kids (ages 4, 6 and 8). I started blogging. I quit my job and started writing full time. I completely changed my diet. I’ve changed my entire daily routine. This year has been just as transformative as the last. It’s taught me that you can change your whole life in one year. I plan on changing my whole life for the better every year. Change freaks people out. It immediately pulls you from your comfort zone. Which is exactly what you need. You’ll often feel like a fraud. But impostor syndrome is exactly what you should be seeking. Do your best to always be the dumbest person in the room and you’ll rapidly improve.
36. Define what wealth and happiness mean to you.
“Be everything to everybody and you’ll be nothing for yourself.” —John Rushton
No two human beings are the same. So why should we have one standard of success? Seeking society’s standard of success is an endless rat race. There will always be someone better than you; you’ll never have the time to do everything.
Instead, recognize that every decision has opportunity cost. When you choose one thing, you simultaneously don’t choose several others. And that’s OK. Actually, it’s beautiful because we get to choose our ultimate ideal. We must define success, wealth and happiness on our own terms because if we don’t, society will define it for us—and we will always fall short. We’ll always be left wanting. We’ll always be stuck comparing ourselves and competing with other people. Our lives will be an endless race for the next best thing. We’ll never experience contentment.
37. “Change the way you feel, think and act about money.” —Steve Down
Most people have an unhealthy relationship with money. It’s not necessarily their fault; it’s what they were taught. In order to change your financial world, you need to alter your paradigm and feelings about money. Here are some key beliefs the most successful people in the world have:
- In a free-market economy, anyone can make as much money as they want.
- Your background, highest level of education or IQ is irrelevant when it comes to earning money.
- The bigger the problem you solve, the more money you make.
- Expect to make lots of money. Think big: $100,000, $500,000, why not $1 million?
- What you focus on expands. If you believe in scarcity, you’ll have little.
- If you believe there is unlimited abundance, you’ll attract abundance.
When you create incredible value for others, you have the right to make as much money as you want. You’re not going to be discovered, saved or made rich by someone else. If you want to be successful, you have to build it yourself. When you develop a healthy relationship, you will have more. You won’t spend money on the crap most people waste their money on. You’ll focus more on value than price.
38. Invest only in industries you are informed about.
Warren Buffett doesn’t invest in technology because he doesn’t understand it. Instead, he invests in banking and insurance. He’s not a tech guy. He invests in what he understands. Yet so many people invest in things they don’t understand. I’ve made that mistake. I once invested several thousand dollars in an overseas rice distribution. Although the investment sounded incredible on paper, it’s turned out to be a disaster. I didn’t have the understanding to make an informed decision. I put my trust in someone else’s hands. And no one cares about your success more than you do. From now on, I’m going to invest responsibly in things I can make informed decisions about.
39. Create an automated income source that takes care of the fundamentals.
We live in unprecedented times. It has never been easier to create automated income streams. No matter your skillset or interests, you can put a business in place that runs 24/7 even while you’re sleeping, sitting on the beach or playing with your kids. An entrepreneur is someone who works for a few years like no one will so they can live the rest of their life like no one else can.
If you want to free up your time and energy for the things that matter most, either invest in stuff you’re informed about or create a business that doesn’t require you to be present every day.
40. Have multiple income streams (the more the better).
Most people’s income comes from the same source. But most wealthy people’s income comes from multiple sources. I know people with hundreds of income streams each month. What would happen if you set things up so you were getting income from five or 10 different places each month? What if several of those were automated?
Again, with a few short years of intentional and focused work, you can have several income streams.
Women: Stop Holding Yourself to the Impossible Standard of Superwoman
(And using Photoshop to camouflage the bags under their eyes along with the enormous team of professionals helping them get by, while carrying the groceries and answering email.)
Trust me. It’s high time we pull the cape off this utterly impossible ideal.
Let’s be honest. We all know her (and pretty much hate her). She’s the high-powered working mom who somehow never misses drop-off—sending her silent, spotless children into school with a lunchbox full of nut-free, gluten-free treats and hand-pressed carrot juice, after knitting winter hats for the homeless, qualifying for her 10th marathon and mastering the art of applying self-tanner without creating any streaks.
She’s perfect.
I’ve been sadly mistaken for one of these annoying superheroes myself, but I’m very quick to correct the record and immediately bare my unsightly cellulite as proof. Let me be the first to say I am not seamlessly juggling motherhood, a high-profile job and a two-career marriage. I’m just barely getting by. I leave our home every day with wet, disheveled hair that would frighten a jail warden, barking at my kids to hurry, only to find I’ve forgotten my keys (or one of my children). Then I get to work and discover their field trip permission slip folded in my purse instead of in their backpack where it belongs. Inevitably at that moment, I feel like the worst mom on the planet, and for the zillionth time that day, I tell myself, I’m doing the best I can!
Actually, while we’re at it, I’m going to let you in on the dirty little secret of working moms everywhere: Monday is our Saturday. That’s the day we leave our squabbling, delightful yet messy children at home and head into the office to rest and recharge. That’s the day we collapse at our desks, let out a big sigh and have a cup of coffee—while it’s still hot. Without someone tugging on our sleeves to butter their toast while they light their little sister’s hair on fire.
“You know what? Maybe don’t lean in. Instead, sit down and take a load off. You’ve earned it.”
So when I hear a “superwoman” telling the rest of us we can have it all—we can climb the highest mountain, collect a bigger paycheck, etc., if we just lean in—I want to hand the women listening (and now covered with hives) a glass of screw-top wine and say (with apologies to the truly brilliant Sheryl Sandberg): “You know what? Maybe don’t lean in. Instead, sit down and take a load off. You’ve earned it.”
I’ve witnessed some of the dangers of holding ourselves up to this impossible standard. One negative externality of this hard-charging ideal is a “full throttle or nothing” mentality. If you aren’t out-earning the men in your field and outperforming the women, you aren’t succeeding. So why bother? Why not just give up? If you aren’t growing your children’s lunch in your pesticide-free, hydroponic garden and speaking to your offspring in Mandarin in the morning and coding Python at night, you’re falling short as a mom. As a result, we all walk around feeling guilty all the time! Guilty we weren’t on that field trip, guilty we left emails unanswered at work, guilty our elbows are flabby. Come on! When did being less than super become as shameful as owning a flip phone?
I know what you’re thinking: She’s a fine one to talk! That’s what we always say to the person who has the nerve to talk. But let me be upfront with my disclaimers nonetheless: I do have a job that provides a ton of perks (like hair and makeup magicians), that give me the appearance of juggling 1,000 balls at once, when in reality I’m just a wreck with a bunch of help, who often embarrasses her children and annoys her rather patient husband.
I’m not trying to be anyone’s example. I’m just saying: To superwomen, supermen and wannabes everywhere, lose the cape. Because when we are constantly trying to look fabulous, leaping tall buildings in a single bound, we fly right past the joy that’s right in front of us, on level ground: the love of our children, the simple pleasures of today and the joy of the messy, imperfect life we already have.
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